Sunday, January 31, 2010

My heart is breaking.....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Better...

So it has been a rough beginning of the week. I am feeling much better now. My practicum seems to be more "together" now in a strange way. I wasn't really aware that is was kind of a mess until it began to improve haha. I am sooo looking forward to the weekend... Girls night! Pizza and wine? I think so!

I have been almost obsessively thinking about the future. It feels like I just got into Uvic and I am already planning my masters degree. I was considering taking a couple of years off after my bachelors to get work experience but I think I am just going to get it over with. I really miss working full time!

Monday, January 25, 2010

:l

I like to believe people do not need to become stressed by the actions of others. That I can only stress myself out and don't need to worry about how other ppl are acting. Sooo not true. I am so stressed right now because of another person. I am so stressed that I developed a knot in my shoulder.
It feels stupid because today in group therapy I ran a section for relaxing. Apparently I am a hypocrite. Teaching others how to relax when I cannot do it myself. I am high strung.

I put my two weeks in at Sears today because I just can't do it. It is not worth the bit of spare cash. I may need to stop volunteering too.

I feel like my stress since graduating high school is beginning to show on my face. I am 23. I do not want to look like I am in my mid thirties.

Scene--

Last weekend I met a couple of awesome gals that are also military spouses. They are my age n' we have a ton in common so it is pretty sweet. I must say that they aren't exactly like my friends from home hehe (love yas!) So I ended up going for drinks with one of them and met like ten more awesome chicks that have a lot in common with me too. We are all into social injustice and feminist theory etc. I have never had buddies to rant about this stuff with so it was sweet!

Side note- yeah I have ppl that I have been hanging with since I moved here in August but they are reaaalllyyy different than me.

I wish that my buds from home would text/call more often!

Man.. I am soo all over the place haha.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Grrrrrrr.... I when ppl try to have "serious" conversations with me over text. Just call!!!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

......?.... :/

Wow.. So I thought that when Danial went away for a month that I would have tons of free time to do my school work. Thinking that I was being smart I decided to continue working part time 1-2 days a week, take 3 courses, work 3 days a week at my field placement and top it off with volunteering twice a week. I don't understand why I do this to myself. It is like I get it in my head that I do not have a limit and can do it all.
"Cringe"
I am volunteering for the military families place and had no idea what I would be doing. My first day (Tuesday) they had me sit with another chick for 2 hours brainstorming 2 posters. ... I mean wow. 2 hours planning basic posters... Ick. I am going to try again next week but if it is not worth my time it is being cut out. I am complaining a bit now but I am wishful that it will get better.

I have been pretty stressed out since I got back to Kingston because I was waiting for my student loan. I can't stand the thought of using my credit card to pay for the daily things. Money came in today (Woohoo!) so first thing I took care of any of the credit card spending.

Happier things:
My new puppy loves me. It is weird adjusting to having a dog to take for walks and clean up after. I was stupid and did not puppy proof my place so today I came home to find that he chewed into two pairs of my heels. Grr.. That won't be happening anymore.

My field placement is cool. It is nice to have some real job experience. Reading about it only takes me so far. Seeing patients and learning about their backgrounds is really intense but that seems to be what I'm into.

Even though I am overwhelmed by my work load I am sooo bored. Working all the time sucks. I am complaining like I never do anything yet I went out Friday night dancing with Kat and had her over last night for girly time.

:/

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Self Reflection

New year = Reflection. I am often able to ignore the New Year resolution bliss but this time it couldn't help but creep in.

I am not so interested in reflecting on my past year as I am for thinking about how I have generally evolved over the years.

As a younger version of my self I prided describing myself as open minded and spontaneous. Now I realize that I was open minded with people who were not the closet to me. I could very easily accept these strangers and acquaintances and their differing opinion. This has not been so true with people who are closest to me. I realize that I want or even expect these loved ones to see things how I do. When I realized that no one had the same spin on life as I do I felt quite disappointed. This made me wonder how I have ever expected others to share the same world views.

Recently I noticed this aspect of myself slowly changing. I became somewhat less stubborn and I attempt to be less controlling. Blah it is really hard to admit that I am controlling. I now acknowledge that I am not naturally open minded but am becoming more and more open to other world views. I know that this directly relates to my social work training. I suppose that this is my version of maturing.

I have always been described by others as mature for my age. This now is comical to me because in retrospect I feel that I was extremely immature. I am still immature. I don't think that I will ever really be that image of an "adult". I hope that Danial will be the same in this regard. So yeah.. There are some general things that I have picked up on.

Now: Last year I did this quiz so I am gonna do it again!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Traveled to both St Jean Quebec and Victoria BC by myself.
Became a social work student.
Moved to Ontario
"Became" part of a military family.
Got family portraits taken

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sorta. I still sweat the small stuff but I am always working on it. This year I want to become fit enough to be a military social worker.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Sabrina/Cory, Courtney McAusland, Chelsea F.


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Continued to explore Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
To move to a place where I can complete a MSW. More confidence in my decisions.


7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
When Danial left for the army, visiting him during basic training and the big move to Ontario.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to social work school!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Left a certain job on bad terms.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my normal bumps and bruises.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new Bed!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Sarah and Danial. Sarah--you always try to be so positive.. Dan-- You made a huge life change and are sticking with it.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No one made me both appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel, rent, food, drinks

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting accepted to UVIC, GOING to Victoria, moving to Ontario, going back to PEI for Christmas.


16. What songs will always remind you of 2009?
A many Lady Gaga songs, a lot of Kingston alternative rock songs on the radio, The Dutches CD by Fergie.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A smidge sadder
b) thinner or fatter? a little thinner
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Explore Kingston. School work. Running.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being cranky and stressed.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
On PEI with friends and fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Still trucking with the hub.

22. How many one-night stands?
ZERO

23. What was your favourite TV program?
The Hills, Gossip Girl, Dexter, True Blood.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No hating last year.

25.What was the best book you read?
Twilight Series!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jason Mraz

27. What did you want and get?
Time to live "alone"

28. What did you want and not get?
To move to the place of my schooling

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Avatar.. lol

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 23 and was take out for supper with Irene and went for supper with the girls and went out I think.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Working the 2 months that I was in Limbo waiting to see if whether or not we were moving.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
None.

33. What kept you sane?
My kitty Chicken, mom, Sharlene, Danial, Sarah. Timothy's coffee breaks.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lady Gaga

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Immigration discrimination, Aboriginal issues

36. Who did you miss?
Danial

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't have a best.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
GO WITH THE FLOW!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Poker face.