Divorce

I heard about it. How two people who were so in love Best friends Striving toward a life together Joining families. Children. House. Grandchildren. And then things go south. Conflicts do not go away. They become larger. Apparently those conflicts seem like riddles that cannot be solved. Or in my case two lives started to diverge. It became clear that the paths were no longer headed in the same direction. OR at least one or both decided the problem could not be fixed. But I always found it heartbreaking. How a couple who had spent so much life together, could become so hateful and nasty toward one and other. How divorce can bring out the worst. I thought that it couldn't happen to us. But then it did. At least some twisted version of the cliche. I guess I get it. But not really. Not in my heart. I cannot understand how it can go from there to here. In general I do not feel hatred. But with recent experiences I feel hints of it. Or at least resentment. How could it suddenly be more about equity,dividing of debt than mutual respect for one and other? Despite the pain, I am motivated. I do not want to let this experience lead me to become bitter and divorced. I choose to look at it as hopefully a learning experience. Hopefully it will help me grow as a person. Perhaps I will not make the same mistakes again. Maybe I will do more to show appreciation and gratefulness. All that I know is that I will never divorce again. I will be blessed if I am ever so lucky to feel open enough to reconsider marriage. This caused me to realize just how much I have not only hurt him, but others from the past. In retrospect I was wondering through life somewhat carelessly. Not aware of how my actions and words would hurt those I care about the most. I can't fix my mistakes from before. I've tried to make amends with those that I was aware of that I hurt. But I am sure there are others I have crushed and didn't realize. I don't want to live life in this way. I want to show my loved ones how much I care. I want to fix it quickly when I make a mistake. But please no grudges. I hold none. I can't help if you hold one against me and have not brought it to my attention. Please know that if you did raise it to my awareness. That I have hurt you, you will receive the most sincere apology. I choose not to become bitter. I choose to take this opportunity to be grateful for the good things.