This Time of Year

Oh December. I have been waiting for you the entity of November. Finally you are here but I am floating. Floating around my mind attempting to settle down to write ONE MORE PAPER! :) I have so many random thoughts that maybe if I write them down here I can get down to business.

So... I have decided to stay home to do work today with one all defining rule: NO TV. I really am tired of wasting $6.00 per latte at a cafe... tired of getting a sore bum from the uncomfortable library... not to mention getting the yucky germs from library go'ers. I also do not like literally racing to find a seat at the library. So.. I have given myself 2 hours to get my act together and write from home. If I can't do this I must force myself to go to the library... ick or a cafe.

I really struggled with moving to Montreal but finally am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I love that my program is geared toward therapy. Within one course in particular a lot of emphasis was placed on the necessity for therapists to seek their own therapy. So for my first time ever I went to counselling. I first went to one place and I found myself analyzing her skills: "OK she is trying to show me empathy. Okay she is re-phrasing what I'm saying to ensure she understands" ... So I went to a different therapist yesterday and was able to stop doing that. I am glad to feel how awkward clients feel going to therapy. That has given me even more empathy for people. Overall it felt good. I think it serves as a reminder for why I am going down this career path. I no longer feel like the hypocrite who advocates for therapeutic methods but has never utilized them.

I guess the other things on my mind include; getting a job after this degree, babies and continuing education. I am more worried about the last one. I thought that I would be finished with school after this degree but I'm now looking into becoming a registered marriage and family therapist. Not a title that is necessary to do therapy in Canada but I'm sure someday we will be moving toward that direction. There are very few programs in Canada for this certification.. so we are trying to look at some possibilities for when posting season happens again. Danial is also playing with the idea of becoming an officer which would likely mean min. 4 years in Kingston. So many things to consider....

But what I need to do is stop planning the future and focus on writing my paper. This paper is about the onset of domestic abuse after military members show signs of PTSD. Interesting topic. Yet, this paper could be worth 100% of my grade. Which means I should stop procrastinating.

Get a Hobby?

Lately I have been... bored. Bored with school. Bored with exercise. Bored with socializing. Bored with work. Just all around bored.
I realized that my typical interests don't catch my attention much anymore. I used to enjoy attempt at making my own clothes, painting, movies and random outdoor adventures. Now it all seems uninteresting.

I wonder if my boredom is really a sign that I need to 'check in' on my perspective. Some people just seem so happy and content with their lives. I should try just being happy with what I have. I always say that I want to enjoy the present moment more... I am just not sure if I know how when I am so preoccupied with planning the future.

Honestly, I have been pretty stressed since September. The combination of a hectic school schedule and loads of hours at work has been rough. I keep telling my self "just one more month!".

Friday I had a little release from the load on my shoulders because I passed in an assignment worth 50% of my grade. Yep. 50% I do not have floating around my mind anymore.

I am really looking forward to having a little break from school. The month between terms is never really enough. I have not had a term off since summer 2008, so c'mon December! Imagine! 8 months without school to worry about.

When I think about it--- it's kind of funny how bored I feel while I am so stressed and busy. I'm probably less bored with my regular hobby like things and more bored with school and work.

Ick. I need to stop saying the word 'bored'. I really do not like that word.

So let's see. How to enjoy the present? Shall I practice mindfulness? Or shall I have drinks with my lover. I'm thinking the drinks/lover combination sounds more enjoyable at the moment <3

MUSH

Yikes! I haven't posted in a long time! Pretty sure that is a good indicator of how nuts life has been.... In a good way though! I think that I mentioned before that I stopped working at the portrait studio because my term was too much. I also stopped volunteering because of that reason... well I just cut it down to basically nothing. I am happy that I realized this before my grades suffered. I would be really pissed if I let go of my A- average... especially because I'm trying to work that up to a solid A!

So yeah.. This has been my most challenging term EVER. This is hugely because I had no idea how draining my work placement was going to be... It was my most awesome work experience! My final month was spent working within a group that is really psychologically based (psychodynamic in fact).. which was cool because I already have a solid psychology education base. I can't believe how much I learned in such a short time! I am so happy that I decided to go back to school and had the chance to do my mental health placement. I hope that my next placement doesn't suck because this one was so amazing!

I start my next placement on April 26.. I am actually working with a military social worker... It should be interesting!

After the summer I will have 3 courses left of my degree!!! I then am an official S Worker! I am pretty pumped to get back to the work force...

So my brother stayed here for about 3 weeks. It was really good seeing him. I doubt that my sister is going to make it over. I have no idea when I will be able to make it back to PEI. Mom may come over and visit this summer which would be amazing :)

Have I mentioned that Danial finishes training in August?! That means that we'll potentially be moving somewhere this summer. We are trying to keep it in Ontario but really have no idea where we will be.

Blah.. I have two papers left for this week and then this term is over! I better get back to writing!

~j.

Oh baby

It's Friday night,
Just got paid..
1 venti caramel brule latte
1 10 page paper due tonight
1 bundle of nerves

Ah, the memories. It seems that I am reminiscing with UNB days of all nighters, too much caffeine and anxiety.

Instead of writing my paper I am complaining about it here.
I have a huge file that I am attempting to submit for this project. I have been waiting forever for it to upload which means it will likely fAiL. At least if that happens I will have a legit excuse for passing it in tomorrow? Maybe?

It is a lovely video of me doing the social worker thang with a chick. I got to film it and watch it over and over again and critique it. I was disgusted from watching myself each time. Torture.

Eh
It is week 2 living without my husband and I have noticed an emotional trend. When he is able to call me often, I feel fine. When he calls rarely, I begin to feel strange about the whole thing and become confused. My confusion is about how good or not good I can be about the whole thing. I know that it makes sense, but it bothers me that this is happening. I wish that I could have feelings that are level rather than up and down.

It is just such a huge change.-------------

SCHOOL* I saw my exam schedule and it appears that my last exam is on Saturday, April 11th at 7:00PM. I am still so shocked that UPEI has Saturday exams. At the time being it doesn't bother me because I to be finished after the first week of exams. I looked at the summer course listing and there is not a single psychology or family science course that I can take. Shouldn't they hire professors that do not mind teaching summer courses?
This means that I will likely be taking distance courses somewhere. Honestly, I have no idea what I am doing this summer. I don't even know whether or not I will be living on PEI.

WORK* One thing is for sure. I will not be working full time at the bank. Even though it would be easy to obtain I would not feel good about it. I am not sure if I will be with the bank at all by the summer. I don't need to worry about it yet though. The only thing is if I want to visit Danial in Quebec it will be tough to get the time off (I work Saturdays).

Arg. I just got home from attending half of two meetings. The coordinators of both meetings were not impressed with the fact that I was not staying the entire time. I hate when my schedule gets double booked like that. It makes me feel horrible. I feel strange even talking about having a 'schedule'. I used to laugh at people that would say "just let me check my schedule". I am now kind of one of them. I am hoping that I am just overwhelmed because of classes beginning and all this volunteer stuff. I don't want to have to cut anything out because I enjoy everything that I am involved in.

I have been so confused this week. I haven't even been to all of my classes yet. Lets just add another one tomorrow. mua. I would like to keep on track right away but this week has slipped out of my grasp.

on a happier note, I have lunch at the Gahan with Sarah today. Haven't seen that lovely lady in over a month! I am so lucky to have good friends. I have also had some coffee action with Sharlene this week.
haha. So I complaining about not having time but of course I am making time for my buds. What is a week without gal time?

Oh--side note-- I have a beautiful sexy blister on my heal from a pair of boots that I bought from Mark's Work Warehouse. It is the first thing I have ever purchased from there. It is also the first pair of quality and sensible boots that I have ever gotten. This is the sad thing. I always end up buying footwear that looks good and deal with the pain. I attempted to avoid that and am still sporting sexy huge blisters.

I need to stop blabbering here and read school text shit.