2 weeks 2 weeks 2 weeks

I just have to wait two weeks. Just two weeks.

woot woot

I'm pretty excited. I have been planning a self esteem group for adolescents through art and it is really coming together. It feels good to have my ideas approved and then be able to move forward with my project. Oh right. I guess I should mention that this is part of my practicum.

This practicum is already really different from my first one. I have basically no limits and complete flexibility. It is a lot of responsibility but I think it will be worth it. I like my supervisor's approach because he is the "jump in and do it" type. I learn best by doing so it all works out. And honestly, I have taken so many courses that were just theory that it is really about time that I start practicing what I have learned.

It's hard to believe that we may be moving again in August. I knew that we would only be here a year but I actually really like it here. We will know for sure where we are going in June.

Uck

Feeling really shitty right now.
I have been like this off and on for a week or two now.. My head is just killing me with sinus pressure and I am nauseous almost all the time.
The pup isn't doing so much better. Last week we noticed that he was beating the crap out of his ear. We looked in to find it filled with yucky crusty blood. Poor guy has both ears infected.

I won't complain too much though. I finished all of my coursework Friday which means that I have no school worries until the 26th. I plan to do some extra volunteer work, spring clean, exercise and work the odd shift..Plus obviously take it easy!

I bet that we won't make it home this summer. We are both really busy until August which may be moving month...Time will tell!

MUSH

Yikes! I haven't posted in a long time! Pretty sure that is a good indicator of how nuts life has been.... In a good way though! I think that I mentioned before that I stopped working at the portrait studio because my term was too much. I also stopped volunteering because of that reason... well I just cut it down to basically nothing. I am happy that I realized this before my grades suffered. I would be really pissed if I let go of my A- average... especially because I'm trying to work that up to a solid A!

So yeah.. This has been my most challenging term EVER. This is hugely because I had no idea how draining my work placement was going to be... It was my most awesome work experience! My final month was spent working within a group that is really psychologically based (psychodynamic in fact).. which was cool because I already have a solid psychology education base. I can't believe how much I learned in such a short time! I am so happy that I decided to go back to school and had the chance to do my mental health placement. I hope that my next placement doesn't suck because this one was so amazing!

I start my next placement on April 26.. I am actually working with a military social worker... It should be interesting!

After the summer I will have 3 courses left of my degree!!! I then am an official S Worker! I am pretty pumped to get back to the work force...

So my brother stayed here for about 3 weeks. It was really good seeing him. I doubt that my sister is going to make it over. I have no idea when I will be able to make it back to PEI. Mom may come over and visit this summer which would be amazing :)

Have I mentioned that Danial finishes training in August?! That means that we'll potentially be moving somewhere this summer. We are trying to keep it in Ontario but really have no idea where we will be.

Blah.. I have two papers left for this week and then this term is over! I better get back to writing!

~j.

Ouch

Ugh. I hate push-ups. They were fine before I began worrying about my form which sucks. Every time that I get close to being low enough I collapse. Maybe I should just go back to my crappy pushups and build some more arm strength?
Other than complaining about pushups I have not been too bad with getting back into an exercise routine. I mean, I could not have easier access to the gym. I am happy because I have been running for longer periods of time and began doing some strength training.

I am in LOVE with my mental health practicum. I have always wanted to work in mental health and now I do not want to do anything else! It is definitely not easy work but it feels soo worth it at the end of the day.

I am so comfortable here in Kingston. Since we moved on base in November I felt right at home. Our apartment is amazing and life is somewhat back to normal.

My bro may be coming to stay for a while which I am so pumped about! My sis was also wishing she could come but she is in school so priorities obviously.

My heart is breaking.....

Better...

So it has been a rough beginning of the week. I am feeling much better now. My practicum seems to be more "together" now in a strange way. I wasn't really aware that is was kind of a mess until it began to improve haha. I am sooo looking forward to the weekend... Girls night! Pizza and wine? I think so!

I have been almost obsessively thinking about the future. It feels like I just got into Uvic and I am already planning my masters degree. I was considering taking a couple of years off after my bachelors to get work experience but I think I am just going to get it over with. I really miss working full time!

:l

I like to believe people do not need to become stressed by the actions of others. That I can only stress myself out and don't need to worry about how other ppl are acting. Sooo not true. I am so stressed right now because of another person. I am so stressed that I developed a knot in my shoulder.
It feels stupid because today in group therapy I ran a section for relaxing. Apparently I am a hypocrite. Teaching others how to relax when I cannot do it myself. I am high strung.

I put my two weeks in at Sears today because I just can't do it. It is not worth the bit of spare cash. I may need to stop volunteering too.

I feel like my stress since graduating high school is beginning to show on my face. I am 23. I do not want to look like I am in my mid thirties.

Scene--

Last weekend I met a couple of awesome gals that are also military spouses. They are my age n' we have a ton in common so it is pretty sweet. I must say that they aren't exactly like my friends from home hehe (love yas!) So I ended up going for drinks with one of them and met like ten more awesome chicks that have a lot in common with me too. We are all into social injustice and feminist theory etc. I have never had buddies to rant about this stuff with so it was sweet!

Side note- yeah I have ppl that I have been hanging with since I moved here in August but they are reaaalllyyy different than me.

I wish that my buds from home would text/call more often!

Man.. I am soo all over the place haha.

Grrrrrrr.... I when ppl try to have "serious" conversations with me over text. Just call!!!!

......?.... :/

Wow.. So I thought that when Danial went away for a month that I would have tons of free time to do my school work. Thinking that I was being smart I decided to continue working part time 1-2 days a week, take 3 courses, work 3 days a week at my field placement and top it off with volunteering twice a week. I don't understand why I do this to myself. It is like I get it in my head that I do not have a limit and can do it all.
"Cringe"
I am volunteering for the military families place and had no idea what I would be doing. My first day (Tuesday) they had me sit with another chick for 2 hours brainstorming 2 posters. ... I mean wow. 2 hours planning basic posters... Ick. I am going to try again next week but if it is not worth my time it is being cut out. I am complaining a bit now but I am wishful that it will get better.

I have been pretty stressed out since I got back to Kingston because I was waiting for my student loan. I can't stand the thought of using my credit card to pay for the daily things. Money came in today (Woohoo!) so first thing I took care of any of the credit card spending.

Happier things:
My new puppy loves me. It is weird adjusting to having a dog to take for walks and clean up after. I was stupid and did not puppy proof my place so today I came home to find that he chewed into two pairs of my heels. Grr.. That won't be happening anymore.

My field placement is cool. It is nice to have some real job experience. Reading about it only takes me so far. Seeing patients and learning about their backgrounds is really intense but that seems to be what I'm into.

Even though I am overwhelmed by my work load I am sooo bored. Working all the time sucks. I am complaining like I never do anything yet I went out Friday night dancing with Kat and had her over last night for girly time.

:/

Self Reflection

New year = Reflection. I am often able to ignore the New Year resolution bliss but this time it couldn't help but creep in.

I am not so interested in reflecting on my past year as I am for thinking about how I have generally evolved over the years.

As a younger version of my self I prided describing myself as open minded and spontaneous. Now I realize that I was open minded with people who were not the closet to me. I could very easily accept these strangers and acquaintances and their differing opinion. This has not been so true with people who are closest to me. I realize that I want or even expect these loved ones to see things how I do. When I realized that no one had the same spin on life as I do I felt quite disappointed. This made me wonder how I have ever expected others to share the same world views.

Recently I noticed this aspect of myself slowly changing. I became somewhat less stubborn and I attempt to be less controlling. Blah it is really hard to admit that I am controlling. I now acknowledge that I am not naturally open minded but am becoming more and more open to other world views. I know that this directly relates to my social work training. I suppose that this is my version of maturing.

I have always been described by others as mature for my age. This now is comical to me because in retrospect I feel that I was extremely immature. I am still immature. I don't think that I will ever really be that image of an "adult". I hope that Danial will be the same in this regard. So yeah.. There are some general things that I have picked up on.

Now: Last year I did this quiz so I am gonna do it again!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Traveled to both St Jean Quebec and Victoria BC by myself.
Became a social work student.
Moved to Ontario
"Became" part of a military family.
Got family portraits taken

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sorta. I still sweat the small stuff but I am always working on it. This year I want to become fit enough to be a military social worker.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Sabrina/Cory, Courtney McAusland, Chelsea F.


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Continued to explore Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
To move to a place where I can complete a MSW. More confidence in my decisions.


7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
When Danial left for the army, visiting him during basic training and the big move to Ontario.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to social work school!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Left a certain job on bad terms.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my normal bumps and bruises.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new Bed!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Sarah and Danial. Sarah--you always try to be so positive.. Dan-- You made a huge life change and are sticking with it.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No one made me both appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel, rent, food, drinks

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting accepted to UVIC, GOING to Victoria, moving to Ontario, going back to PEI for Christmas.


16. What songs will always remind you of 2009?
A many Lady Gaga songs, a lot of Kingston alternative rock songs on the radio, The Dutches CD by Fergie.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A smidge sadder
b) thinner or fatter? a little thinner
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Explore Kingston. School work. Running.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being cranky and stressed.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
On PEI with friends and fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Still trucking with the hub.

22. How many one-night stands?
ZERO

23. What was your favourite TV program?
The Hills, Gossip Girl, Dexter, True Blood.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No hating last year.

25.What was the best book you read?
Twilight Series!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jason Mraz

27. What did you want and get?
Time to live "alone"

28. What did you want and not get?
To move to the place of my schooling

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Avatar.. lol

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 23 and was take out for supper with Irene and went for supper with the girls and went out I think.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Working the 2 months that I was in Limbo waiting to see if whether or not we were moving.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
None.

33. What kept you sane?
My kitty Chicken, mom, Sharlene, Danial, Sarah. Timothy's coffee breaks.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lady Gaga

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Immigration discrimination, Aboriginal issues

36. Who did you miss?
Danial

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't have a best.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
GO WITH THE FLOW!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Poker face.

Good ol' blog

So, for those of you who are extremely unobservant my blog format has drastically changed. I like most of this layout except for the "coloured" tag thing. Hopefully I can get rid of it... some day.

I have had this blog since 2004 and find my "young" posts to be funny and immature. The thing about having a blog that is as old as this one is you never have a clue who reads the thing.

I have said it before but I find that my posts are really censored and I can't rant about what is really on my mind. With this said, I am considering making this into an "invite only" place. I really don't think that many people visit this place... I realize that I am NOT that interesting but paranoia consumes me.

If anyone out there is reading and would like to continue reading let me know!

I am going to think about it some more. We shall see.

<3 Love you S

I want to wish a certain lady best wishes and positive energy with her surgery which is scheduled tomorrow in Halifax.

You are strong and I believe you will make it through smoothly :)
<3 Jenn

Oh baby

It's Friday night,
Just got paid..
1 venti caramel brule latte
1 10 page paper due tonight
1 bundle of nerves

Ah, the memories. It seems that I am reminiscing with UNB days of all nighters, too much caffeine and anxiety.

Instead of writing my paper I am complaining about it here.
I have a huge file that I am attempting to submit for this project. I have been waiting forever for it to upload which means it will likely fAiL. At least if that happens I will have a legit excuse for passing it in tomorrow? Maybe?

It is a lovely video of me doing the social worker thang with a chick. I got to film it and watch it over and over again and critique it. I was disgusted from watching myself each time. Torture.

Lies-Kitty montage

Aww my kitty is so adorable. Look at all of the cute things that she does.. Yes those are my chubby hands with Dan's.. attempting to show off our wedding rings.. and the castle like photo is a swank "medium security" prison that we used to live by.

We moved across town last weekend. Perk of being a "military family" is all of the strong helpful men that are eager to help. 6 people are so much better than 2. I LOVE our place. Did I mention that I did not see it until we got the keys? We have so much more space. I was expecting a crappy place but they re-did pretty much everything so it feels new.. :) I am so happy with it.. We are actually unpacking which we really haven't done since we moved to Ontario.

That's all for now!

What am I trying to tell myself?

**Exhale
For some strange reason I am having another cycle of vivid dreams. Usually these cycles have themes like the end of the world, nuclear bombs, PEI flooding, being 3 hours late for something important etc. etc.

Now I have 2 themes:
same sex sex
reproduction

My girl on girl dreams always involve me and someone I know.. I am too embarrassed to spill these names on my public blog. I somehow find myself in sexual circumstances that I feel obligated to continue with. These dreams are not fun or even funny. Actually, they are kind of stressful and sad. I feel that if I say "no" these girls they will be heart broken. But then they become upset because they realize that I am not "enjoying" myself...

When I googled it here is what I got:
Dreaming that you are a lesbian (but you are not in your waking life) means a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and passion. You are comfortable with your sexuality and femininity. If, in your dream you abhor the notion of lesbianism, then it represents your fears and rejection of parts of your own sexuality. If you are a lesbian in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self.

So I wasn't actually a lesbian in my dreams but the first part of the above paragraph couldfit

My second theme has been about babies... People I know being pregnant, me being pregnant and the most recent one was my cat being pregnant.

My poor cat was both herself and a friend of mine in my dream.. She was raped and I found her in a field near death after miscarrying 4-5 pups that were approximately the same size as she is. When I questioned her about the happenings she became my human friend telling me about the multiple rapes that she has experienced by dogs.

I have no idea how to google that one.
My dreams are so intense and messed up.. Weird.

Halloween 2009

A dead zombie like fellow and a "punk" pirate made their way out on the town last night. I was impressed with the dance club that included minimal groping. Yet, I did see a little too much Vag for my liking.. In a room crowded with random ghosts and ghouls I might add. I get that Halloween give dames the opportunity to dress as racy as their hearts content but please, no penis and clam in public.

Anywho, it was a good night. I met a bunch of amazing people and am looking forward to doing it all again :)

The tension in my chest is lifting...

sdlfkjsdklfsldfjasldkjf
I finally got the nerve to once again attempt to talk to the student loan appeal dude. I emailed and got a lame response about how busy they were and to check in a week. The same response I have been getting for the last 3 weeks...

Danial randomly decided to check my loan status and look who decided to finally do their job! I now have some money to live off of...

Also got my laptop back today... my love bug hassled the shop for their mess up and we ended up getting everything we wanted and more for free.

All I want for Christmas~

is to go home!!!!

I am a big baby who want to be home for the holidays. Keeping fingers crossed!

..................

Danial took my laptop into Future Shop yesterday to have extra RAM installed.. The technician attempted to update the BIOS and failed. May need a new motherboard. Listen to all of this computer lingo coming out of ma mouth! Point of the story is that I may be without my laptop for 2-3 weeks.

So we decided to celebrate this with Whiskey and Vodka as any good patron would. I wonder how much of our rowdiness that our neighbour(LanDlorD) heard. Doesn't really matter,,, we are outta here in November. How responsible of me.

PEACE

You know what really erks me??

The fact that the student loan people call my approved amount an "award". Really? An award that I get to pay back with interest when I am finished?

As usual I appealed my loan at the beginning of September... I am beginning to get stressed about it though because it's taking longer than usual to get approved. I have this term payed for but I need to be able to live too.. ugh.

The last time I called the appeal guy he was so nasty that he almost made me cry. I tried to get around talking to him today but he is the ONLY one with my answers. Man. Is it really not enough to put me in crazy debt? You really need to make me feel like shit on a personal level too?

Obviously, I just need to get thicker skin and hassle him. I can't be such a sensitive crybaby.

Danial took a peek at one of the base apartments today. We are going to go for it. It will be nice. We will be upgrading from a 1 bedroom apartment with no closet space to a 3 bedroom apartment with a storage area. We will need to buy a fridge and stove which is kind of weird. I have never owned appliances for an apartment. There is also washer/dryer hookup so I am almost regretting that we sold ours.

All in all I am pretty happy right now. I go through big ups and downs about being married to someone in the military but right now it feels okay. I feel like I might have reached a balance.