This Time of Year

Oh December. I have been waiting for you the entity of November. Finally you are here but I am floating. Floating around my mind attempting to settle down to write ONE MORE PAPER! :) I have so many random thoughts that maybe if I write them down here I can get down to business.

So... I have decided to stay home to do work today with one all defining rule: NO TV. I really am tired of wasting $6.00 per latte at a cafe... tired of getting a sore bum from the uncomfortable library... not to mention getting the yucky germs from library go'ers. I also do not like literally racing to find a seat at the library. So.. I have given myself 2 hours to get my act together and write from home. If I can't do this I must force myself to go to the library... ick or a cafe.

I really struggled with moving to Montreal but finally am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I love that my program is geared toward therapy. Within one course in particular a lot of emphasis was placed on the necessity for therapists to seek their own therapy. So for my first time ever I went to counselling. I first went to one place and I found myself analyzing her skills: "OK she is trying to show me empathy. Okay she is re-phrasing what I'm saying to ensure she understands" ... So I went to a different therapist yesterday and was able to stop doing that. I am glad to feel how awkward clients feel going to therapy. That has given me even more empathy for people. Overall it felt good. I think it serves as a reminder for why I am going down this career path. I no longer feel like the hypocrite who advocates for therapeutic methods but has never utilized them.

I guess the other things on my mind include; getting a job after this degree, babies and continuing education. I am more worried about the last one. I thought that I would be finished with school after this degree but I'm now looking into becoming a registered marriage and family therapist. Not a title that is necessary to do therapy in Canada but I'm sure someday we will be moving toward that direction. There are very few programs in Canada for this certification.. so we are trying to look at some possibilities for when posting season happens again. Danial is also playing with the idea of becoming an officer which would likely mean min. 4 years in Kingston. So many things to consider....

But what I need to do is stop planning the future and focus on writing my paper. This paper is about the onset of domestic abuse after military members show signs of PTSD. Interesting topic. Yet, this paper could be worth 100% of my grade. Which means I should stop procrastinating.

C'est Montreal.. ?

So I have been here for a month and what do I have to show for myself? Does a McGill sweater count?

I've been really ambivalent about my entire Montreal experience to date. Some days I idealize it, others I despise it. Why must I be so love/hate?

Thursday night I went to a free outdoor concert only to find that it was Arcade Fire. For anyone who knows me, I am awful at linking songs to the artists. It was quite euphoric to put a face to the name and link the name to the songs that I love. It was a beautiful summer evening and I was sweating the shit out of my Giant Tiger rubber boots.

One thing about living here is that I am definitely second guessing my natural opting for scruffy, lame clothes. Dirty looks from people on the street seems like a legit motivator to put a bit more effort in my attire.

I love that everything is within two blocks that I would ever need. I have not been robbed yet... and honestly, I haven't gotten lost yet. I almost 'scratched' that statement last night because some gals from class and I decided to meet at a family-run Indian food joint in the middle of Montreal-nowhere. It was only a half an hour bus ride by myself but when I exited the bus to find myself on a deserted street, I kinda felt freaked. Of course, I made it there in one piece and the food was pretty delightful. Opted for the metro way back and then went for beers somewhere in the middle of where we all live. It turned out to be another hole-in-the-wall hub for activity. After becoming sufficiently buzzed I meandered back to my bachelorette pad with no troubles.

MARCH 30th WAS EXCITING

Hey!
So I checked my email to find a message from an admission officer at McGill that says that I've been ACCEPTED!

EEK Montreal in SEPTEMBER. I can't believe that I've been accepted to my number one choice on my first try. It doesn't feel real.

:) <3

It's been a while

So here we are in 2011 and I haven't been updating this thing. I am really only posting because I am frustrated with work and want to rant!
I have been there for about 5 months. It is a stressful job where I am on call 24/7. this makes it really difficult for me to have a life and be balanced as a person etc. If my bosses treat me well I do not complain... Lately I have been getting nasty attitude vibes from them which I find reeealllly frustrating. I have also been getting actual attitude from one in particular. I'm not someone who easily lets snarky comments roll off my back. I get that she has a really stressful job and is just trying to get through the day but I still cannot accept that as a good reason to be given attitude. They always tell me how beneficial I am for their agency but the attitude just somehow takes away from those warm fuzzies. They may be my token into my first official social work job but I am getting so fed up with the BS.

On another note... LOL I always seem to bitch and then talk about something more positive.

I have decided that 6 months of living in a place without stuff on the wall is too much. So we bought paint and decided to stick around this duplex for a while. I started the job last night and am already beginning to feel better.

Oromocto is getting more and more comfortable which is a good sign.

I am still hoping to get accepted to a grad school but do not know how likely it is. I was not accepted to Laurier because the accepted applicants have between 4-25 years of work experience. I have three more schools to hear from and then will at least know what I'm doing in September. One thing that I know for sure is I will not be working somewhere that supervisors and bosses dump their stressy shit vibes on their employees while the nature of the job itself is STRESS and CRISIS. Ah crap. There I go again with the negativity.

And Here Comes a New Year Yo

It's funny... I will randomly take a moment from my day-to-day scurrying and realize "hey it's summer" or "hey... it's autumn" or my most recent "...really, winter already?" This week is the first that I really as if I am a non-student. Usually by this time I would be checking out my new books, making sure that I am in the courses I want to be and making ridiculous schedules. Now I am randomly working (loads of holiday cancellations due to weather and family related situations) and hanging out. It is pretty impressive that this week I have had the opportunity to clean AND go to the gym!

I am looking forward to the new year but have a gut feeling that it is going to be pretty hectic. I have no idea why.

1 degree down and 1 to go..

So at approximately 7:30PM tonight I competed 3 of 3 final assignments for my university degree. I then celebrated by renting a movie with my spouse and drinking 1/2 pint of vodka. We went to bed by 10:30PM.. I remained awake with a buzz of excitement.

You'd think that after such a hectic week... hectic 4 years, that I would be deeply asleep in bed with my hubby by 12:30AM.

Nope! I crawled out of bed to begin planning/writing my personal statement for more graduate schools!

Hmm.. If I were to psychoanalyze myself, I may begin to think I have an obsession with keeping busy!

Whatevs! I had a weight lifted off of my chest that has been sitting there for four years without me being aware of it. I'll take that!

Get a Hobby?

Lately I have been... bored. Bored with school. Bored with exercise. Bored with socializing. Bored with work. Just all around bored.
I realized that my typical interests don't catch my attention much anymore. I used to enjoy attempt at making my own clothes, painting, movies and random outdoor adventures. Now it all seems uninteresting.

I wonder if my boredom is really a sign that I need to 'check in' on my perspective. Some people just seem so happy and content with their lives. I should try just being happy with what I have. I always say that I want to enjoy the present moment more... I am just not sure if I know how when I am so preoccupied with planning the future.

Honestly, I have been pretty stressed since September. The combination of a hectic school schedule and loads of hours at work has been rough. I keep telling my self "just one more month!".

Friday I had a little release from the load on my shoulders because I passed in an assignment worth 50% of my grade. Yep. 50% I do not have floating around my mind anymore.

I am really looking forward to having a little break from school. The month between terms is never really enough. I have not had a term off since summer 2008, so c'mon December! Imagine! 8 months without school to worry about.

When I think about it--- it's kind of funny how bored I feel while I am so stressed and busy. I'm probably less bored with my regular hobby like things and more bored with school and work.

Ick. I need to stop saying the word 'bored'. I really do not like that word.

So let's see. How to enjoy the present? Shall I practice mindfulness? Or shall I have drinks with my lover. I'm thinking the drinks/lover combination sounds more enjoyable at the moment <3

Sleepy

I am impressed. Two days off, in a row and on the weekend. This doesn't happen much anymore. Danial is making me a delicious breakfast as we speak. I'm pretty excited.

The next month will be a gross one. I my last month of school with lots of lovely things due, I am working 40 plus hours and have multiple admissions essays etc due. I'm becoming overwhelmed but trying soo hard not to.

We still haven't made it to PEI haha. I feel like we will be lucky to make it home for Christmas. I know that if we don't we will probably have family visit us here.

Our neighbors are crazy. The military police were over there again last night after a fight (at least screaming) in their front yard. One person had a baby in her arms while standing outside in that mess. Seriously, take the baby inside when people could be getting violent.

I guess that is all for now!

Feeling Better Now!

I had a day off to do all of those little things that matter and I feel so much better now!

I'm caught with school and am back on track with work. I ended up going with just one job because 40 plus hours and 3 courses wasn't working out so well :)

I spent today planning stuff for Master of Social Work schools. It is crazy, some schools need 4 references. Yikes!

I am sooo looking forward to December to take school off of my agenda until September 2011. Just 2 more months and this degree is finished!!!!!!!

We are thinking of going to PEI at some point during Thanksgiving weekend. Probably won't know until that Friday knowing how my work schedule goes.

Fumbling through fog

Fuck.
I am so annoyed with myself. I can't seem to think straight right now. My brain feels so cloudy. The nasty part is that this has been going on for more than today... It has been a lately thing. I randomly noticed today that I have an assignment due. WOOPS. I decided that I didnt need to leave for my 12:30 shift until 1:00... My boss was not happy with that one. When confronted I am so oblivious that it pisses me off imagining being required to talk to someone like me.

I really wish I knew what was going on with me :(

That is sadly, all that I can articulate about my present state.

Itz Poorin Babies

Another year, a whole lotta friends havin babies. Every year it seems like more and more people that I know are having babies. I'm 24. I know that isn't crazy old and it isn't crazy young but it feels so weird that my YOUNGER brother and sis's friends are now having kids too.

I remember working at the bank about 2 years ago and having a chat with a co-worker. She found out my age and said I better get working on the baby making. That completely weirded/freaked me out. I feel like I have tons of time for that... but do I? I keep saying that we are going to try once I finish school.. Approximately summer 2012 yo. But when I think about it more, I will probably feel like crap going to school for soo (:$) long and then leaving a wicked job right away for a mat leave.

.... I dunno. That type of ~life~ planning confuses and flusters me.

When I consider how busy Danial and I are now ...without kids... it makes me wonder how nuts it would be to throw children into the mix. But somehow everyone else if managing it.

Topic..... change..........

I got another job today. It is extremely social work related but has ridiculous hours.

Otherwise my life is stale. Stale yet self propelling.

Here's what's happenin

I was getting sick of trying to find a SW related job and then something popped onto the lovely job bank that caught my interest. Working in group homes that specialize in adult mental illness. I applied and had a call for an interview the next day. Had the interview and was hired on the spot. So far I am really enjoying it but still find myself job hunting online. Today I found a job that has multiple social worky programs that are contracted through the government of NB. I decided to do something that I can honestly say that I have never done before. I cold called them at 4 in the afternoon. The call just happened to be answered by one of the owners and we had a grand chat about this job as well as another one that she thinks might be suitable for me as well. Positive about this job is that is located right here in little ol' Oromocto. She told me to send her my resume (duh) and said that she looks forward to interviewing me. Maybe she was really interested or maybe she just wanted to get me off the phone. Who knows *shrugs*. I'll wait and see.

The other job she mentioned REALLY interests me because it has paid holidays and regularish hours.

That is my life right now. Nothing too exciting. Taking my last 3 courses and am pretty pumped for this degree to be finished in December.

~Jenn

This blog may be dying.....

It seems like since I decided to make this blog members only I have also decided to stop updating it!

A lot has been happening since my last post. Obviously I finally made the move to New Brunswick. We are pretty much settled in the little town that we are living in. I think I will enjoy being close to home and all that game. I want to make a random weekend trip home with Danial but we are poor! Waiting on move money to come in and student loan money. Once we have that we will be fine. We will also be in better shape when I begin to see some pay cheques.

I just had a pretty amazing weekend. The biggest reason is because I didn't stress about anything at all. Friday night we had people over for drinks and rock band, Saturday Danial and I did a movie night and last night we had dinner at our friends' and went to the cinemas. That is pretty much all that we did! Loved it. Of course school starts on Wednesday and I begin working more shifts next week but I am satisfied that I had a stress-free weekend before the craziness begins once again.

This Week

My lovebug is going into 'the field' until Friday. I will have the bed to myself but I'm guessing that I'll miss him too ;)
.... I may be paranoid.... or I may be just safe... I'm not telling Kingston folk that he will be gone. This concept was brought to me by Danial's mum. The people who end up being the freaks are the ones that you think are 'okay'. There is one person in particular who give me strange vibes. He might just be a friend but he kinda crosses a hypothetical line sometimes. I almost tole him on Thursday because of my apparent verbal diarrhea. Sick.

What else is new? I have one silly paper left which is due today... as per usual this is why my blog is being updated. I then have one week left of my work placement (woohoo!) and am moving in about 3 weeks. Even though I knew that we would probably be moving again it seems kind of surreal. I would much rather obsess over this move than write my silly paper.

The pooch is being a little gross. He keeps destroying his toys (for example his Frisbee) then eating pieces of the toy (plastic) and then vomiting. Sick.
He is still a big cutey... somehow.

Final news is... I want a real job. By real, I mean one related (at least semi-related) to social work. I will work anywhere once I get there but a call center doesn't really excite me.

Alright... that was enough garble for now... Maybe I can write this paper now??

2 weeks 2 weeks 2 weeks

I just have to wait two weeks. Just two weeks.

woot woot

I'm pretty excited. I have been planning a self esteem group for adolescents through art and it is really coming together. It feels good to have my ideas approved and then be able to move forward with my project. Oh right. I guess I should mention that this is part of my practicum.

This practicum is already really different from my first one. I have basically no limits and complete flexibility. It is a lot of responsibility but I think it will be worth it. I like my supervisor's approach because he is the "jump in and do it" type. I learn best by doing so it all works out. And honestly, I have taken so many courses that were just theory that it is really about time that I start practicing what I have learned.

It's hard to believe that we may be moving again in August. I knew that we would only be here a year but I actually really like it here. We will know for sure where we are going in June.

Uck

Feeling really shitty right now.
I have been like this off and on for a week or two now.. My head is just killing me with sinus pressure and I am nauseous almost all the time.
The pup isn't doing so much better. Last week we noticed that he was beating the crap out of his ear. We looked in to find it filled with yucky crusty blood. Poor guy has both ears infected.

I won't complain too much though. I finished all of my coursework Friday which means that I have no school worries until the 26th. I plan to do some extra volunteer work, spring clean, exercise and work the odd shift..Plus obviously take it easy!

I bet that we won't make it home this summer. We are both really busy until August which may be moving month...Time will tell!

MUSH

Yikes! I haven't posted in a long time! Pretty sure that is a good indicator of how nuts life has been.... In a good way though! I think that I mentioned before that I stopped working at the portrait studio because my term was too much. I also stopped volunteering because of that reason... well I just cut it down to basically nothing. I am happy that I realized this before my grades suffered. I would be really pissed if I let go of my A- average... especially because I'm trying to work that up to a solid A!

So yeah.. This has been my most challenging term EVER. This is hugely because I had no idea how draining my work placement was going to be... It was my most awesome work experience! My final month was spent working within a group that is really psychologically based (psychodynamic in fact).. which was cool because I already have a solid psychology education base. I can't believe how much I learned in such a short time! I am so happy that I decided to go back to school and had the chance to do my mental health placement. I hope that my next placement doesn't suck because this one was so amazing!

I start my next placement on April 26.. I am actually working with a military social worker... It should be interesting!

After the summer I will have 3 courses left of my degree!!! I then am an official S Worker! I am pretty pumped to get back to the work force...

So my brother stayed here for about 3 weeks. It was really good seeing him. I doubt that my sister is going to make it over. I have no idea when I will be able to make it back to PEI. Mom may come over and visit this summer which would be amazing :)

Have I mentioned that Danial finishes training in August?! That means that we'll potentially be moving somewhere this summer. We are trying to keep it in Ontario but really have no idea where we will be.

Blah.. I have two papers left for this week and then this term is over! I better get back to writing!

~j.

Ouch

Ugh. I hate push-ups. They were fine before I began worrying about my form which sucks. Every time that I get close to being low enough I collapse. Maybe I should just go back to my crappy pushups and build some more arm strength?
Other than complaining about pushups I have not been too bad with getting back into an exercise routine. I mean, I could not have easier access to the gym. I am happy because I have been running for longer periods of time and began doing some strength training.

I am in LOVE with my mental health practicum. I have always wanted to work in mental health and now I do not want to do anything else! It is definitely not easy work but it feels soo worth it at the end of the day.

I am so comfortable here in Kingston. Since we moved on base in November I felt right at home. Our apartment is amazing and life is somewhat back to normal.

My bro may be coming to stay for a while which I am so pumped about! My sis was also wishing she could come but she is in school so priorities obviously.

My heart is breaking.....