27 and all grown up. Maybe

So I thought I would try a new layout and of course lost my fun artsy fartsy HTML stuff. Guess it was time for a change! Things that are of mild interest to me: I did the math. I spend minimum of 10 hours in my car to commute to work. Work. WORK. Yes, work. I have been 'awarded' a perm full time position. Woohoo. It is only 1 hour away from my lovely home. Home. HOME. Yes, I bought a house. I also bought some hockey gear. This week I have become a kijiji pro. Fun things about my job: I work with youth It's like I got my dream job It gives me the motivation to develop more of a therapeutic specialty It is PERMANENT. I get fun adult things like benefits. Things I wonder since I've finished school and gotten me and adult job... career even: Now what? Yeah. That's basically it. I have been so focused on school and job hunting that now the hunt is over. I am trying to make my new focus in life to be balance in health, education, spiritual etc etc. But that, as it turns out, is hard.

Perpetually discontent

This has been an awful week

For so many reasons.  Mainly because dad is in the hospital.  This is the first time and it has been awful.  He is doing well but not well enough to be discharged back home.  I have been totally scattered, trying to decide if I need to go to PEI.  There are just so many factors.  Stupid stuff of course.  Like; I have to work, there is no one to take care of the dog and cat... the dog and cat have a complicated pill regime, I don't want to go home, I'm exhausted.  Most of all, I'm sad.

It's quite fucking lonely here in NB by myself with just a dog and cat.  Sure, I have friends who would lend an ear, maybe even give me some company.  But no one that I feel comfortable enough with the just let it out.  It's causing me to wonder why I do not have overly close friends.  I have buds that I see once a week or every two weeks.  That is usually cool with me because life is so busy.  Then again, I am probably just cutting myself off from people that would be more than glad to be here for me.

Ultimately, I don't want to put on a face to entertain socially.  But feel free to drop by and just sit with me while I stare blankly.

Iy yih yih yih!!!!

WOW. JEESH. MAN. It seems like this final paper thing is taking forever!! I'm not sure if I am just a slow writer, possibly I am avoiding finishing this thing? Who knows. I just need to get it out of the way before May is done! I don't want it hanging over my head all summer.

Hey Girl...

Since I seem to be a researcher at heart (:P) my interest of the day was "Hey girl, Ryan Gosling". I've been seeing the images and wondering wtf? But they always made me giggle/smile in a public place at an awkward moment. So here is what I found. It was silliness created by a dude named Doug and all you have to do is google to find his website. Pretty swell.

Maybe that is what this blog will become. A place for me to share my random viral pop culture info.

Er... Um.. I thought that Spring was Supposed to be Longer?

Wow. The last two days have been gorgeous. Yesterday was up to 22 and today it just seems to be really nice out.

Oh my lovely blog. I have been having many 'firsts' in the dream department lately. In fact, I had a dream of the 'readers' of this blog. Although in real life I believe that this blog remains mostly hidden minus the random search words that would meet my blog content. Another "first" dream is one where my brother and I were in an airplane with intentions to go to Paris. I remember there was thunder and lightening during the flight but when we arrived in Paris it was beautiful. We explored the city a bit before I woke up. Never have I dreamed of being on a plane or going internationally. I also had a "first" dream where I was drunk. That was the strangest. I can remember the feeling so clearly of being way too intoxicated to function.

Dreams aside, today is a paper writing day. I hope that I can spit out the planned 5 pages in a new record of time. I am not sure if I have less or more pressure for my mini-thesis. We made a time-line that is more clearly developed... I now have until the end of May rather then the beginning... but I have a huge section due at the end of April.

....the question is... can I do school work in the apartment today? Or will I have to go to a cafe?

Spring is lovliness

I feel like Spring is actually arriving in Montreal. I may be able to start studying outside again :d School is almost DONE. Only like 6 weeks left! Then back to Oromocto to live at my 'real' home. Montreal has been an interesting time but I can't wait to live with my hubby and fur muffins!
Not to mention the whole never being a a full-time student again! Well minus my work-placement and one teeny tiny research paper BUT everything must be done by August 15th!

I found out this weekend that I have been accepted to complete the work placement in a hospital setting. Hopefully it may lead to career options. That will be the next obsession. Finding a decent job in the province of frozen finances for social services.

Ah. I am so excited! Which gives me extra energy and motivation to get 'er done ;)
<3

Well'P

Well'P/
Here I am. Back in Montreal. I went back to NB for a week and it was bliss! Soo much quality time with my hubby that it makes just that much harder to return to Montreal to do this school thing. Honestly, what ever will I have to talk about when I am no longer a student? Work? Family? Making a family? Time will tell I guess!

Ohhhh the Mini Thesis

!!
I am in my first week back to school and have began to start working on my mini-thesis research project thang. It is 50 pages so that it good and bad. I have not looked at the information in about 2 months so that makes it extremely difficult to remember what I was doing. Looks like I'm going to have to start over again by looking at all the journal articles and organizing them as I write them into tables. Not so much fun. I'm going to force myself to work on it 2 days a week for at least the first month and half of this term. Hopefully I will actually have some written with that plan!

On the health side- I returned to Montreal with an empty fridge and good intentions. I went grocery shopping and bought mostly produce. Made a yummy ginger beef/tofu stirfry which was nice. I need to make a whole wack of healthy stuff to freeze. That way when I am in peak stress zone I will not need to go to quick/easy/greasy. I just have no creativity in the cooking department... Hmm. What would be awesome, healthy and won't be tiresome after 2 meals?

I feel like this month and a half at the beginning of the term is the opportunity for me to get my act together. If I can just get stuff done now I will be much less stressed later... maybe? Probably not. Either way, I'm optimistic.

A heya holla

Leaving for Montreal on Monday. I had a fabulous break and didn't do a bit of school work. I thought I would start writing my research project but I definitely needed the break from school. I am pretty excited for the courses I'm taking this term but anxious about living away from Danial again. Maybe this time will be easier? I think I just need to keep busy enough.

We are trying to decide whether or not to take a route that leaves us living on NB for a number of years or another that would take us to Kingston ON for some years. I am pretty comfortable here but we need to look ahead for our careers etc. If we stay here we would love to buy a house.... but this duplex rent is a pretty sweet deal.

This week I had many meetings with potential internship places. I am no closer to knowing where I will be working this summer but hope to get some news next week! Ultimately it is a decision between an amazing placement in my ideal work setting or a less amazing placement with high potential for getting hired on there right away. Time will tell I guess.

One thing that my time in Montreal has caused is a new found appreciation for the amazing people in my life. I am so lucky to have such great friends and family!

Dear 2011

Another year is over so let's look at where 2011 has left me:

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Moved to Montreal on my own
Attended grad school
Elections in school government


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did ok for fitness but I think I will make it a new goal. Better diet! More exercise!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Micheline and Leigh


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Continued to explore Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011.
Keep the good friends closer. Not stress about people who are ridiculous.


7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Girly chats with ladies from McGill because we were all in the same boat :)
March 30th getting accepted to grad school
July 2011 Jillia got married!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Living by myself for the first time.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being on top of eating healthy!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Stress is an illness.. right?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Christian Cota boots!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Danial- for dealing with me when I was just a bundle of stress
All my friends who reached out to me since I moved away :)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Having a hand put in my face was pretty appalling!

14. Where did most of your money go?
school

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Leaving Montreal for the holidays. Time with my hubby.


16. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
LMAFO, Nicki Minaj, Arcade Fire

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder but later happier
b) thinner or fatter? Maybe a bit fatter?
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
focusing on school. Enjoying the moment.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Too much downloading!

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it on PEI with my family

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
With my awesome buds!

22. How many one-night stands?
ZERO

23. What was your favourite TV program?
Gossip Girl, Dexter, True Blood.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No hating but definitely loss of respect for.

25.What was the best book you read?
Pretty Little Liars lol

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Arcade Fire, Sheepdogs

27. What did you want and get?
My own apartment.

28. What did you want and not get?
Perfect grades! Lame, yes.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Maybe Eclipse.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 25. Danial made me a wooden jewelery box. Went to the snooty fox with a bunch of buddies.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being less depressed in the fall.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Anything that does not cause dirty looks from the fashionistas of the streets in Montreal. But then there is my Snooky sequent hat.

33. What kept you sane?
DANIAL, mom, dad, Jillia, Micheline

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lindsay Lohan Weird ey?

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Violence in relationships. Child protection.

36. Who did you miss?
Danial, good friends, the family, the furballs.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't have a best.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011?
Just because we had good times, doesn't mean we should have times in the present. Know when to realize who just isn't measuring up.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'I like your beard' Ke$ha

This Time of Year

Oh December. I have been waiting for you the entity of November. Finally you are here but I am floating. Floating around my mind attempting to settle down to write ONE MORE PAPER! :) I have so many random thoughts that maybe if I write them down here I can get down to business.

So... I have decided to stay home to do work today with one all defining rule: NO TV. I really am tired of wasting $6.00 per latte at a cafe... tired of getting a sore bum from the uncomfortable library... not to mention getting the yucky germs from library go'ers. I also do not like literally racing to find a seat at the library. So.. I have given myself 2 hours to get my act together and write from home. If I can't do this I must force myself to go to the library... ick or a cafe.

I really struggled with moving to Montreal but finally am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I love that my program is geared toward therapy. Within one course in particular a lot of emphasis was placed on the necessity for therapists to seek their own therapy. So for my first time ever I went to counselling. I first went to one place and I found myself analyzing her skills: "OK she is trying to show me empathy. Okay she is re-phrasing what I'm saying to ensure she understands" ... So I went to a different therapist yesterday and was able to stop doing that. I am glad to feel how awkward clients feel going to therapy. That has given me even more empathy for people. Overall it felt good. I think it serves as a reminder for why I am going down this career path. I no longer feel like the hypocrite who advocates for therapeutic methods but has never utilized them.

I guess the other things on my mind include; getting a job after this degree, babies and continuing education. I am more worried about the last one. I thought that I would be finished with school after this degree but I'm now looking into becoming a registered marriage and family therapist. Not a title that is necessary to do therapy in Canada but I'm sure someday we will be moving toward that direction. There are very few programs in Canada for this certification.. so we are trying to look at some possibilities for when posting season happens again. Danial is also playing with the idea of becoming an officer which would likely mean min. 4 years in Kingston. So many things to consider....

But what I need to do is stop planning the future and focus on writing my paper. This paper is about the onset of domestic abuse after military members show signs of PTSD. Interesting topic. Yet, this paper could be worth 100% of my grade. Which means I should stop procrastinating.

C'est Montreal.. ?

So I have been here for a month and what do I have to show for myself? Does a McGill sweater count?

I've been really ambivalent about my entire Montreal experience to date. Some days I idealize it, others I despise it. Why must I be so love/hate?

Thursday night I went to a free outdoor concert only to find that it was Arcade Fire. For anyone who knows me, I am awful at linking songs to the artists. It was quite euphoric to put a face to the name and link the name to the songs that I love. It was a beautiful summer evening and I was sweating the shit out of my Giant Tiger rubber boots.

One thing about living here is that I am definitely second guessing my natural opting for scruffy, lame clothes. Dirty looks from people on the street seems like a legit motivator to put a bit more effort in my attire.

I love that everything is within two blocks that I would ever need. I have not been robbed yet... and honestly, I haven't gotten lost yet. I almost 'scratched' that statement last night because some gals from class and I decided to meet at a family-run Indian food joint in the middle of Montreal-nowhere. It was only a half an hour bus ride by myself but when I exited the bus to find myself on a deserted street, I kinda felt freaked. Of course, I made it there in one piece and the food was pretty delightful. Opted for the metro way back and then went for beers somewhere in the middle of where we all live. It turned out to be another hole-in-the-wall hub for activity. After becoming sufficiently buzzed I meandered back to my bachelorette pad with no troubles.

MARCH 30th WAS EXCITING

Hey!
So I checked my email to find a message from an admission officer at McGill that says that I've been ACCEPTED!

EEK Montreal in SEPTEMBER. I can't believe that I've been accepted to my number one choice on my first try. It doesn't feel real.

:) <3

It's been a while

So here we are in 2011 and I haven't been updating this thing. I am really only posting because I am frustrated with work and want to rant!
I have been there for about 5 months. It is a stressful job where I am on call 24/7. this makes it really difficult for me to have a life and be balanced as a person etc. If my bosses treat me well I do not complain... Lately I have been getting nasty attitude vibes from them which I find reeealllly frustrating. I have also been getting actual attitude from one in particular. I'm not someone who easily lets snarky comments roll off my back. I get that she has a really stressful job and is just trying to get through the day but I still cannot accept that as a good reason to be given attitude. They always tell me how beneficial I am for their agency but the attitude just somehow takes away from those warm fuzzies. They may be my token into my first official social work job but I am getting so fed up with the BS.

On another note... LOL I always seem to bitch and then talk about something more positive.

I have decided that 6 months of living in a place without stuff on the wall is too much. So we bought paint and decided to stick around this duplex for a while. I started the job last night and am already beginning to feel better.

Oromocto is getting more and more comfortable which is a good sign.

I am still hoping to get accepted to a grad school but do not know how likely it is. I was not accepted to Laurier because the accepted applicants have between 4-25 years of work experience. I have three more schools to hear from and then will at least know what I'm doing in September. One thing that I know for sure is I will not be working somewhere that supervisors and bosses dump their stressy shit vibes on their employees while the nature of the job itself is STRESS and CRISIS. Ah crap. There I go again with the negativity.

And Here Comes a New Year Yo

It's funny... I will randomly take a moment from my day-to-day scurrying and realize "hey it's summer" or "hey... it's autumn" or my most recent "...really, winter already?" This week is the first that I really as if I am a non-student. Usually by this time I would be checking out my new books, making sure that I am in the courses I want to be and making ridiculous schedules. Now I am randomly working (loads of holiday cancellations due to weather and family related situations) and hanging out. It is pretty impressive that this week I have had the opportunity to clean AND go to the gym!

I am looking forward to the new year but have a gut feeling that it is going to be pretty hectic. I have no idea why.

1 degree down and 1 to go..

So at approximately 7:30PM tonight I competed 3 of 3 final assignments for my university degree. I then celebrated by renting a movie with my spouse and drinking 1/2 pint of vodka. We went to bed by 10:30PM.. I remained awake with a buzz of excitement.

You'd think that after such a hectic week... hectic 4 years, that I would be deeply asleep in bed with my hubby by 12:30AM.

Nope! I crawled out of bed to begin planning/writing my personal statement for more graduate schools!

Hmm.. If I were to psychoanalyze myself, I may begin to think I have an obsession with keeping busy!

Whatevs! I had a weight lifted off of my chest that has been sitting there for four years without me being aware of it. I'll take that!

Get a Hobby?

Lately I have been... bored. Bored with school. Bored with exercise. Bored with socializing. Bored with work. Just all around bored.
I realized that my typical interests don't catch my attention much anymore. I used to enjoy attempt at making my own clothes, painting, movies and random outdoor adventures. Now it all seems uninteresting.

I wonder if my boredom is really a sign that I need to 'check in' on my perspective. Some people just seem so happy and content with their lives. I should try just being happy with what I have. I always say that I want to enjoy the present moment more... I am just not sure if I know how when I am so preoccupied with planning the future.

Honestly, I have been pretty stressed since September. The combination of a hectic school schedule and loads of hours at work has been rough. I keep telling my self "just one more month!".

Friday I had a little release from the load on my shoulders because I passed in an assignment worth 50% of my grade. Yep. 50% I do not have floating around my mind anymore.

I am really looking forward to having a little break from school. The month between terms is never really enough. I have not had a term off since summer 2008, so c'mon December! Imagine! 8 months without school to worry about.

When I think about it--- it's kind of funny how bored I feel while I am so stressed and busy. I'm probably less bored with my regular hobby like things and more bored with school and work.

Ick. I need to stop saying the word 'bored'. I really do not like that word.

So let's see. How to enjoy the present? Shall I practice mindfulness? Or shall I have drinks with my lover. I'm thinking the drinks/lover combination sounds more enjoyable at the moment <3

Sleepy

I am impressed. Two days off, in a row and on the weekend. This doesn't happen much anymore. Danial is making me a delicious breakfast as we speak. I'm pretty excited.

The next month will be a gross one. I my last month of school with lots of lovely things due, I am working 40 plus hours and have multiple admissions essays etc due. I'm becoming overwhelmed but trying soo hard not to.

We still haven't made it to PEI haha. I feel like we will be lucky to make it home for Christmas. I know that if we don't we will probably have family visit us here.

Our neighbors are crazy. The military police were over there again last night after a fight (at least screaming) in their front yard. One person had a baby in her arms while standing outside in that mess. Seriously, take the baby inside when people could be getting violent.

I guess that is all for now!

Feeling Better Now!

I had a day off to do all of those little things that matter and I feel so much better now!

I'm caught with school and am back on track with work. I ended up going with just one job because 40 plus hours and 3 courses wasn't working out so well :)

I spent today planning stuff for Master of Social Work schools. It is crazy, some schools need 4 references. Yikes!

I am sooo looking forward to December to take school off of my agenda until September 2011. Just 2 more months and this degree is finished!!!!!!!

We are thinking of going to PEI at some point during Thanksgiving weekend. Probably won't know until that Friday knowing how my work schedule goes.