And Here Comes a New Year Yo

It's funny... I will randomly take a moment from my day-to-day scurrying and realize "hey it's summer" or "hey... it's autumn" or my most recent "...really, winter already?" This week is the first that I really as if I am a non-student. Usually by this time I would be checking out my new books, making sure that I am in the courses I want to be and making ridiculous schedules. Now I am randomly working (loads of holiday cancellations due to weather and family related situations) and hanging out. It is pretty impressive that this week I have had the opportunity to clean AND go to the gym!

I am looking forward to the new year but have a gut feeling that it is going to be pretty hectic. I have no idea why.

1 degree down and 1 to go..

So at approximately 7:30PM tonight I competed 3 of 3 final assignments for my university degree. I then celebrated by renting a movie with my spouse and drinking 1/2 pint of vodka. We went to bed by 10:30PM.. I remained awake with a buzz of excitement.

You'd think that after such a hectic week... hectic 4 years, that I would be deeply asleep in bed with my hubby by 12:30AM.

Nope! I crawled out of bed to begin planning/writing my personal statement for more graduate schools!

Hmm.. If I were to psychoanalyze myself, I may begin to think I have an obsession with keeping busy!

Whatevs! I had a weight lifted off of my chest that has been sitting there for four years without me being aware of it. I'll take that!

Get a Hobby?

Lately I have been... bored. Bored with school. Bored with exercise. Bored with socializing. Bored with work. Just all around bored.
I realized that my typical interests don't catch my attention much anymore. I used to enjoy attempt at making my own clothes, painting, movies and random outdoor adventures. Now it all seems uninteresting.

I wonder if my boredom is really a sign that I need to 'check in' on my perspective. Some people just seem so happy and content with their lives. I should try just being happy with what I have. I always say that I want to enjoy the present moment more... I am just not sure if I know how when I am so preoccupied with planning the future.

Honestly, I have been pretty stressed since September. The combination of a hectic school schedule and loads of hours at work has been rough. I keep telling my self "just one more month!".

Friday I had a little release from the load on my shoulders because I passed in an assignment worth 50% of my grade. Yep. 50% I do not have floating around my mind anymore.

I am really looking forward to having a little break from school. The month between terms is never really enough. I have not had a term off since summer 2008, so c'mon December! Imagine! 8 months without school to worry about.

When I think about it--- it's kind of funny how bored I feel while I am so stressed and busy. I'm probably less bored with my regular hobby like things and more bored with school and work.

Ick. I need to stop saying the word 'bored'. I really do not like that word.

So let's see. How to enjoy the present? Shall I practice mindfulness? Or shall I have drinks with my lover. I'm thinking the drinks/lover combination sounds more enjoyable at the moment <3

Sleepy

I am impressed. Two days off, in a row and on the weekend. This doesn't happen much anymore. Danial is making me a delicious breakfast as we speak. I'm pretty excited.

The next month will be a gross one. I my last month of school with lots of lovely things due, I am working 40 plus hours and have multiple admissions essays etc due. I'm becoming overwhelmed but trying soo hard not to.

We still haven't made it to PEI haha. I feel like we will be lucky to make it home for Christmas. I know that if we don't we will probably have family visit us here.

Our neighbors are crazy. The military police were over there again last night after a fight (at least screaming) in their front yard. One person had a baby in her arms while standing outside in that mess. Seriously, take the baby inside when people could be getting violent.

I guess that is all for now!

Feeling Better Now!

I had a day off to do all of those little things that matter and I feel so much better now!

I'm caught with school and am back on track with work. I ended up going with just one job because 40 plus hours and 3 courses wasn't working out so well :)

I spent today planning stuff for Master of Social Work schools. It is crazy, some schools need 4 references. Yikes!

I am sooo looking forward to December to take school off of my agenda until September 2011. Just 2 more months and this degree is finished!!!!!!!

We are thinking of going to PEI at some point during Thanksgiving weekend. Probably won't know until that Friday knowing how my work schedule goes.

Fumbling through fog

Fuck.
I am so annoyed with myself. I can't seem to think straight right now. My brain feels so cloudy. The nasty part is that this has been going on for more than today... It has been a lately thing. I randomly noticed today that I have an assignment due. WOOPS. I decided that I didnt need to leave for my 12:30 shift until 1:00... My boss was not happy with that one. When confronted I am so oblivious that it pisses me off imagining being required to talk to someone like me.

I really wish I knew what was going on with me :(

That is sadly, all that I can articulate about my present state.

Itz Poorin Babies

Another year, a whole lotta friends havin babies. Every year it seems like more and more people that I know are having babies. I'm 24. I know that isn't crazy old and it isn't crazy young but it feels so weird that my YOUNGER brother and sis's friends are now having kids too.

I remember working at the bank about 2 years ago and having a chat with a co-worker. She found out my age and said I better get working on the baby making. That completely weirded/freaked me out. I feel like I have tons of time for that... but do I? I keep saying that we are going to try once I finish school.. Approximately summer 2012 yo. But when I think about it more, I will probably feel like crap going to school for soo (:$) long and then leaving a wicked job right away for a mat leave.

.... I dunno. That type of ~life~ planning confuses and flusters me.

When I consider how busy Danial and I are now ...without kids... it makes me wonder how nuts it would be to throw children into the mix. But somehow everyone else if managing it.

Topic..... change..........

I got another job today. It is extremely social work related but has ridiculous hours.

Otherwise my life is stale. Stale yet self propelling.

Here's what's happenin

I was getting sick of trying to find a SW related job and then something popped onto the lovely job bank that caught my interest. Working in group homes that specialize in adult mental illness. I applied and had a call for an interview the next day. Had the interview and was hired on the spot. So far I am really enjoying it but still find myself job hunting online. Today I found a job that has multiple social worky programs that are contracted through the government of NB. I decided to do something that I can honestly say that I have never done before. I cold called them at 4 in the afternoon. The call just happened to be answered by one of the owners and we had a grand chat about this job as well as another one that she thinks might be suitable for me as well. Positive about this job is that is located right here in little ol' Oromocto. She told me to send her my resume (duh) and said that she looks forward to interviewing me. Maybe she was really interested or maybe she just wanted to get me off the phone. Who knows *shrugs*. I'll wait and see.

The other job she mentioned REALLY interests me because it has paid holidays and regularish hours.

That is my life right now. Nothing too exciting. Taking my last 3 courses and am pretty pumped for this degree to be finished in December.

~Jenn

This blog may be dying.....

It seems like since I decided to make this blog members only I have also decided to stop updating it!

A lot has been happening since my last post. Obviously I finally made the move to New Brunswick. We are pretty much settled in the little town that we are living in. I think I will enjoy being close to home and all that game. I want to make a random weekend trip home with Danial but we are poor! Waiting on move money to come in and student loan money. Once we have that we will be fine. We will also be in better shape when I begin to see some pay cheques.

I just had a pretty amazing weekend. The biggest reason is because I didn't stress about anything at all. Friday night we had people over for drinks and rock band, Saturday Danial and I did a movie night and last night we had dinner at our friends' and went to the cinemas. That is pretty much all that we did! Loved it. Of course school starts on Wednesday and I begin working more shifts next week but I am satisfied that I had a stress-free weekend before the craziness begins once again.

This Week

My lovebug is going into 'the field' until Friday. I will have the bed to myself but I'm guessing that I'll miss him too ;)
.... I may be paranoid.... or I may be just safe... I'm not telling Kingston folk that he will be gone. This concept was brought to me by Danial's mum. The people who end up being the freaks are the ones that you think are 'okay'. There is one person in particular who give me strange vibes. He might just be a friend but he kinda crosses a hypothetical line sometimes. I almost tole him on Thursday because of my apparent verbal diarrhea. Sick.

What else is new? I have one silly paper left which is due today... as per usual this is why my blog is being updated. I then have one week left of my work placement (woohoo!) and am moving in about 3 weeks. Even though I knew that we would probably be moving again it seems kind of surreal. I would much rather obsess over this move than write my silly paper.

The pooch is being a little gross. He keeps destroying his toys (for example his Frisbee) then eating pieces of the toy (plastic) and then vomiting. Sick.
He is still a big cutey... somehow.

Final news is... I want a real job. By real, I mean one related (at least semi-related) to social work. I will work anywhere once I get there but a call center doesn't really excite me.

Alright... that was enough garble for now... Maybe I can write this paper now??

2 weeks 2 weeks 2 weeks

I just have to wait two weeks. Just two weeks.

woot woot

I'm pretty excited. I have been planning a self esteem group for adolescents through art and it is really coming together. It feels good to have my ideas approved and then be able to move forward with my project. Oh right. I guess I should mention that this is part of my practicum.

This practicum is already really different from my first one. I have basically no limits and complete flexibility. It is a lot of responsibility but I think it will be worth it. I like my supervisor's approach because he is the "jump in and do it" type. I learn best by doing so it all works out. And honestly, I have taken so many courses that were just theory that it is really about time that I start practicing what I have learned.

It's hard to believe that we may be moving again in August. I knew that we would only be here a year but I actually really like it here. We will know for sure where we are going in June.

Uck

Feeling really shitty right now.
I have been like this off and on for a week or two now.. My head is just killing me with sinus pressure and I am nauseous almost all the time.
The pup isn't doing so much better. Last week we noticed that he was beating the crap out of his ear. We looked in to find it filled with yucky crusty blood. Poor guy has both ears infected.

I won't complain too much though. I finished all of my coursework Friday which means that I have no school worries until the 26th. I plan to do some extra volunteer work, spring clean, exercise and work the odd shift..Plus obviously take it easy!

I bet that we won't make it home this summer. We are both really busy until August which may be moving month...Time will tell!

MUSH

Yikes! I haven't posted in a long time! Pretty sure that is a good indicator of how nuts life has been.... In a good way though! I think that I mentioned before that I stopped working at the portrait studio because my term was too much. I also stopped volunteering because of that reason... well I just cut it down to basically nothing. I am happy that I realized this before my grades suffered. I would be really pissed if I let go of my A- average... especially because I'm trying to work that up to a solid A!

So yeah.. This has been my most challenging term EVER. This is hugely because I had no idea how draining my work placement was going to be... It was my most awesome work experience! My final month was spent working within a group that is really psychologically based (psychodynamic in fact).. which was cool because I already have a solid psychology education base. I can't believe how much I learned in such a short time! I am so happy that I decided to go back to school and had the chance to do my mental health placement. I hope that my next placement doesn't suck because this one was so amazing!

I start my next placement on April 26.. I am actually working with a military social worker... It should be interesting!

After the summer I will have 3 courses left of my degree!!! I then am an official S Worker! I am pretty pumped to get back to the work force...

So my brother stayed here for about 3 weeks. It was really good seeing him. I doubt that my sister is going to make it over. I have no idea when I will be able to make it back to PEI. Mom may come over and visit this summer which would be amazing :)

Have I mentioned that Danial finishes training in August?! That means that we'll potentially be moving somewhere this summer. We are trying to keep it in Ontario but really have no idea where we will be.

Blah.. I have two papers left for this week and then this term is over! I better get back to writing!

~j.

Ouch

Ugh. I hate push-ups. They were fine before I began worrying about my form which sucks. Every time that I get close to being low enough I collapse. Maybe I should just go back to my crappy pushups and build some more arm strength?
Other than complaining about pushups I have not been too bad with getting back into an exercise routine. I mean, I could not have easier access to the gym. I am happy because I have been running for longer periods of time and began doing some strength training.

I am in LOVE with my mental health practicum. I have always wanted to work in mental health and now I do not want to do anything else! It is definitely not easy work but it feels soo worth it at the end of the day.

I am so comfortable here in Kingston. Since we moved on base in November I felt right at home. Our apartment is amazing and life is somewhat back to normal.

My bro may be coming to stay for a while which I am so pumped about! My sis was also wishing she could come but she is in school so priorities obviously.

My heart is breaking.....

Better...

So it has been a rough beginning of the week. I am feeling much better now. My practicum seems to be more "together" now in a strange way. I wasn't really aware that is was kind of a mess until it began to improve haha. I am sooo looking forward to the weekend... Girls night! Pizza and wine? I think so!

I have been almost obsessively thinking about the future. It feels like I just got into Uvic and I am already planning my masters degree. I was considering taking a couple of years off after my bachelors to get work experience but I think I am just going to get it over with. I really miss working full time!

:l

I like to believe people do not need to become stressed by the actions of others. That I can only stress myself out and don't need to worry about how other ppl are acting. Sooo not true. I am so stressed right now because of another person. I am so stressed that I developed a knot in my shoulder.
It feels stupid because today in group therapy I ran a section for relaxing. Apparently I am a hypocrite. Teaching others how to relax when I cannot do it myself. I am high strung.

I put my two weeks in at Sears today because I just can't do it. It is not worth the bit of spare cash. I may need to stop volunteering too.

I feel like my stress since graduating high school is beginning to show on my face. I am 23. I do not want to look like I am in my mid thirties.

Scene--

Last weekend I met a couple of awesome gals that are also military spouses. They are my age n' we have a ton in common so it is pretty sweet. I must say that they aren't exactly like my friends from home hehe (love yas!) So I ended up going for drinks with one of them and met like ten more awesome chicks that have a lot in common with me too. We are all into social injustice and feminist theory etc. I have never had buddies to rant about this stuff with so it was sweet!

Side note- yeah I have ppl that I have been hanging with since I moved here in August but they are reaaalllyyy different than me.

I wish that my buds from home would text/call more often!

Man.. I am soo all over the place haha.

Grrrrrrr.... I when ppl try to have "serious" conversations with me over text. Just call!!!!

......?.... :/

Wow.. So I thought that when Danial went away for a month that I would have tons of free time to do my school work. Thinking that I was being smart I decided to continue working part time 1-2 days a week, take 3 courses, work 3 days a week at my field placement and top it off with volunteering twice a week. I don't understand why I do this to myself. It is like I get it in my head that I do not have a limit and can do it all.
"Cringe"
I am volunteering for the military families place and had no idea what I would be doing. My first day (Tuesday) they had me sit with another chick for 2 hours brainstorming 2 posters. ... I mean wow. 2 hours planning basic posters... Ick. I am going to try again next week but if it is not worth my time it is being cut out. I am complaining a bit now but I am wishful that it will get better.

I have been pretty stressed out since I got back to Kingston because I was waiting for my student loan. I can't stand the thought of using my credit card to pay for the daily things. Money came in today (Woohoo!) so first thing I took care of any of the credit card spending.

Happier things:
My new puppy loves me. It is weird adjusting to having a dog to take for walks and clean up after. I was stupid and did not puppy proof my place so today I came home to find that he chewed into two pairs of my heels. Grr.. That won't be happening anymore.

My field placement is cool. It is nice to have some real job experience. Reading about it only takes me so far. Seeing patients and learning about their backgrounds is really intense but that seems to be what I'm into.

Even though I am overwhelmed by my work load I am sooo bored. Working all the time sucks. I am complaining like I never do anything yet I went out Friday night dancing with Kat and had her over last night for girly time.

:/

Self Reflection

New year = Reflection. I am often able to ignore the New Year resolution bliss but this time it couldn't help but creep in.

I am not so interested in reflecting on my past year as I am for thinking about how I have generally evolved over the years.

As a younger version of my self I prided describing myself as open minded and spontaneous. Now I realize that I was open minded with people who were not the closet to me. I could very easily accept these strangers and acquaintances and their differing opinion. This has not been so true with people who are closest to me. I realize that I want or even expect these loved ones to see things how I do. When I realized that no one had the same spin on life as I do I felt quite disappointed. This made me wonder how I have ever expected others to share the same world views.

Recently I noticed this aspect of myself slowly changing. I became somewhat less stubborn and I attempt to be less controlling. Blah it is really hard to admit that I am controlling. I now acknowledge that I am not naturally open minded but am becoming more and more open to other world views. I know that this directly relates to my social work training. I suppose that this is my version of maturing.

I have always been described by others as mature for my age. This now is comical to me because in retrospect I feel that I was extremely immature. I am still immature. I don't think that I will ever really be that image of an "adult". I hope that Danial will be the same in this regard. So yeah.. There are some general things that I have picked up on.

Now: Last year I did this quiz so I am gonna do it again!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Traveled to both St Jean Quebec and Victoria BC by myself.
Became a social work student.
Moved to Ontario
"Became" part of a military family.
Got family portraits taken

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sorta. I still sweat the small stuff but I am always working on it. This year I want to become fit enough to be a military social worker.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Sabrina/Cory, Courtney McAusland, Chelsea F.


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Continued to explore Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
To move to a place where I can complete a MSW. More confidence in my decisions.


7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
When Danial left for the army, visiting him during basic training and the big move to Ontario.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to social work school!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Left a certain job on bad terms.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my normal bumps and bruises.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new Bed!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Sarah and Danial. Sarah--you always try to be so positive.. Dan-- You made a huge life change and are sticking with it.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No one made me both appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel, rent, food, drinks

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting accepted to UVIC, GOING to Victoria, moving to Ontario, going back to PEI for Christmas.


16. What songs will always remind you of 2009?
A many Lady Gaga songs, a lot of Kingston alternative rock songs on the radio, The Dutches CD by Fergie.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A smidge sadder
b) thinner or fatter? a little thinner
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Explore Kingston. School work. Running.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being cranky and stressed.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
On PEI with friends and fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Still trucking with the hub.

22. How many one-night stands?
ZERO

23. What was your favourite TV program?
The Hills, Gossip Girl, Dexter, True Blood.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No hating last year.

25.What was the best book you read?
Twilight Series!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jason Mraz

27. What did you want and get?
Time to live "alone"

28. What did you want and not get?
To move to the place of my schooling

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Avatar.. lol

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 23 and was take out for supper with Irene and went for supper with the girls and went out I think.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Working the 2 months that I was in Limbo waiting to see if whether or not we were moving.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
None.

33. What kept you sane?
My kitty Chicken, mom, Sharlene, Danial, Sarah. Timothy's coffee breaks.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lady Gaga

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Immigration discrimination, Aboriginal issues

36. Who did you miss?
Danial

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't have a best.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
GO WITH THE FLOW!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Poker face.