eh

So I made a point not to post till after an interview that I had today.. It was for PC financial {Where DAnial works} .. It would have been good cause' The training wouldn't start till May 18 so i could go to PEI and fix up my family :P and see everyone.. and not have to go through the big moving thing. Well This interview didn't go so well.. I went for a nap and woke up with a half an hour to get ready.. I didnt even shower for it I was that rushed. .That was really really stupid of me to do, because then I was "Wake up stupid" .. I couldn't think at all.. She was asking me all of those damn questions and i went dumb.. WTF? I am not shy.. I was prepared for the interview the night before.. and i began to think about all the little things..
1)I just found out about the interview last night
2)I am smack in the middle of exams..Why couldnt i say that i would do it on monday instead? :S
3)Who is stupid enough to take a nap right before the intervie and not even set the alarm. I even had a dream during that nap of many unfortanate events that lead to me missing the interview
4)I did almost cause an accident while driving on my way there. I blame it on temperary blindness
5)I got extremly rushed and fustrated on my way there due to heavy traffic.. couln't find a parking spot..I was luck to be there right on time.
6)I parked on an area of private parking for a minister..I was in that much of a panic

-------Which led to me rushinng out after the interview to see if my car was towed.. It wasnt.. Instead some very nice old lady parked behind me to block me in..Purposley mind you..I know this because as I began to attempt to manouver my way out of the spot. She came out and began giving me a hard time.. "The minsters are and out of here all the time" I probably deserved this..A sign from god? It is a sign of something for sure! There wasnt a single car in that lot.. Then 20 minutes later packed with only one spot to spare..
I apologized and told her that i was really sorry (Which i was) .. And I think that she could see my upset and fustratedness somehow. And she just all the sudden said okay.. you are from pei (she checked out the plate) Just dont let it happen again.. and she moved the car to let me out.. Me being so overwhelmed with everytihing .. began to cry.. I just love driving while cryin .. right downtown..where everyone stares..
--When i finally arrived home Danny was there all cherry... hoping that his gf gets to stay in Fredericton with him.. and I begin to cry again.. So he comforted me and gave an upset girl just what she neede.. To be treated to a wonderful Dairy Queen Treat..

I was so proud.. I usually am horribally stressed for exams. . and really really freaking out (I get extremly anxious for exam taking.. which 40% of the time leads to little panic attacks where i go blank during the exam) This time I was totally cool.. But this just topped it off . I am not a stress wreck of a ball de confusion.

Ya know what.. ? It isnt even that I really wanted that job in particular.. It is just that.. Every interview I have been having lately has been becoming worse and worse.. Before I knew what I was doing.. I knew what i was doin lol.
It also doesnt help that about two days ago I decided that I am going to improve myself.. From everything to mental thoughts (Become more confident) to physical(Goin to the gym)..The biggest thing that I wanted to do is to make a goal .. and then actually achieve it.. Which of course..led me to doing better in interviews.. Which we all know the ending result today..
eh.. okay.. So i got .. most stuff from the days fustrations off my chest.. So I am going to stop whining.

In other news..Exams are half way finished :) Yay..
Yesterday while studying at Tim hortons down town.. Julienne and I had an interesting conversation with some drunk guy at 6 pm.. He was an emotional wreck..{The reason I can say this is because no one really reads this}
He seemed to be an ok guy.. but everything to how he just plopped down beside us.. without anything to him following us up the street a bit at the end ...just seemed a bit strange.. Which is even stranger.. is that he looked extremely familular to me..
Rather than getting into details.. This was a very sad guy.. i dont mean sad in the pathetic sense..I just mean.. he was so sad that it was pouring out of his eyes.. Sadness .. defeat.. and simply fustration.
All of his thoughts were mixed together .. to the point where he didnt even make a whole lot of sense to himself...
I can honestly say tha ti have been pretty close to that feeling..It really made me think (I know I know ,, more thinking) just about how life really is..
eh.. Im not going to bother getting further into that topic either.. It would come out of me just as mixed as it did from him..and he was under the influence ..

I really am at this point..where I really need to make some changes.. they may be gradual but as long as they are eventually achieved.. I need to make some achievemnts..
I need to grow..s o that I can be happy with myself more consistently..
Right now.. I almost feel as if I am floating.. just floating.. In no particular direction.. What a waste it feels!
I hate always feeling as if i am torn in two opposite directions.

---Crap.. I said that I was going to stop whining!!
Jeeze.. lol.. I applied for advantage.. So if i get a reply for that .. we shall see..
The weather is nice.. I think that I need to go for a nice walk.. freshen my head..see where that leads me ..Maybe more icecream :)