What am I trying to tell myself?

**Exhale
For some strange reason I am having another cycle of vivid dreams. Usually these cycles have themes like the end of the world, nuclear bombs, PEI flooding, being 3 hours late for something important etc. etc.

Now I have 2 themes:
same sex sex
reproduction

My girl on girl dreams always involve me and someone I know.. I am too embarrassed to spill these names on my public blog. I somehow find myself in sexual circumstances that I feel obligated to continue with. These dreams are not fun or even funny. Actually, they are kind of stressful and sad. I feel that if I say "no" these girls they will be heart broken. But then they become upset because they realize that I am not "enjoying" myself...

When I googled it here is what I got:
Dreaming that you are a lesbian (but you are not in your waking life) means a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and passion. You are comfortable with your sexuality and femininity. If, in your dream you abhor the notion of lesbianism, then it represents your fears and rejection of parts of your own sexuality. If you are a lesbian in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self.

So I wasn't actually a lesbian in my dreams but the first part of the above paragraph couldfit

My second theme has been about babies... People I know being pregnant, me being pregnant and the most recent one was my cat being pregnant.

My poor cat was both herself and a friend of mine in my dream.. She was raped and I found her in a field near death after miscarrying 4-5 pups that were approximately the same size as she is. When I questioned her about the happenings she became my human friend telling me about the multiple rapes that she has experienced by dogs.

I have no idea how to google that one.
My dreams are so intense and messed up.. Weird.

Halloween 2009

A dead zombie like fellow and a "punk" pirate made their way out on the town last night. I was impressed with the dance club that included minimal groping. Yet, I did see a little too much Vag for my liking.. In a room crowded with random ghosts and ghouls I might add. I get that Halloween give dames the opportunity to dress as racy as their hearts content but please, no penis and clam in public.

Anywho, it was a good night. I met a bunch of amazing people and am looking forward to doing it all again :)

The tension in my chest is lifting...

sdlfkjsdklfsldfjasldkjf
I finally got the nerve to once again attempt to talk to the student loan appeal dude. I emailed and got a lame response about how busy they were and to check in a week. The same response I have been getting for the last 3 weeks...

Danial randomly decided to check my loan status and look who decided to finally do their job! I now have some money to live off of...

Also got my laptop back today... my love bug hassled the shop for their mess up and we ended up getting everything we wanted and more for free.

All I want for Christmas~

is to go home!!!!

I am a big baby who want to be home for the holidays. Keeping fingers crossed!

..................

Danial took my laptop into Future Shop yesterday to have extra RAM installed.. The technician attempted to update the BIOS and failed. May need a new motherboard. Listen to all of this computer lingo coming out of ma mouth! Point of the story is that I may be without my laptop for 2-3 weeks.

So we decided to celebrate this with Whiskey and Vodka as any good patron would. I wonder how much of our rowdiness that our neighbour(LanDlorD) heard. Doesn't really matter,,, we are outta here in November. How responsible of me.

PEACE

You know what really erks me??

The fact that the student loan people call my approved amount an "award". Really? An award that I get to pay back with interest when I am finished?

As usual I appealed my loan at the beginning of September... I am beginning to get stressed about it though because it's taking longer than usual to get approved. I have this term payed for but I need to be able to live too.. ugh.

The last time I called the appeal guy he was so nasty that he almost made me cry. I tried to get around talking to him today but he is the ONLY one with my answers. Man. Is it really not enough to put me in crazy debt? You really need to make me feel like shit on a personal level too?

Obviously, I just need to get thicker skin and hassle him. I can't be such a sensitive crybaby.

Danial took a peek at one of the base apartments today. We are going to go for it. It will be nice. We will be upgrading from a 1 bedroom apartment with no closet space to a 3 bedroom apartment with a storage area. We will need to buy a fridge and stove which is kind of weird. I have never owned appliances for an apartment. There is also washer/dryer hookup so I am almost regretting that we sold ours.

All in all I am pretty happy right now. I go through big ups and downs about being married to someone in the military but right now it feels okay. I feel like I might have reached a balance.

Yes, I am doing on of THOSE posts

Layers of the onion..............

LAYER 1: Tell us your…

* Name: Jenn
* Birthday (month, day): April 3
* Birthplace: Charlottetown, PE
* Current location: Kingston, ON
* Eye color: green/hazel
* Hair color: light brown with blondish tones.
* Height: 5'7
* Righty or lefty: Lefty
* Zodiac sign: Aries

LAYER 2: What’s…

* Your heritage: French, German..
* The shoes you wore today: None- I didn't leave the apartment :/
* Your weakness: Chick flicks, no matter how devastating
* Your fears: Not being able to become happy with life
* Your perfect pizza: greek pizza with ranch sauce
* Goals you’d like to achieve: MSW
* Your first waking thoughts: What time is it?
* Your best physical feature: Maybe my eyes?
* Your most missed memory: Being crazy close to certain awesome ppl

LAYER 3: Do you…

* Smoke: Not recently
* Cuss: Fuck yes
* Sing: Yes. Usually I am unaware that I am doing so
* Do you think you’ve been in love: Yes
* Did you go to college: University, yes
* Liked high school: Didn't hate it didn't love it
* Want to get/stay married: Yes
* Believe in yourself: Usually
* Think you’re attractive: I sometimes manage to convince myself
* Think you’re a health freak: Nope
* Get along with your parent(s): Usually
* Like thunderstorms: Yes, but they scare me haha
* Play an instrument: Nah

LAYER 4: In the past month have you…

* Drank alcohol: Yes
* Smoked: nope.. Except for second hand
* Done a drug: nope
* Made out: Yes
* Gone on a date: Indeed
* Gone to the mall: Mostly because I work there :/
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No.. eww
* Eaten sushi: Yes
* Been on stage: No
* Been dumped: Nope
* Gone skating: No
* Gone skinny dipping: No.. I am no longer that close to the ocean
* Stolen Anything: No.. unless you count failing to make a stupid waitress aware that she undercharged me.

LAYER 5: Have you ever…

* Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
* Been caught “doing something”: This is probably going right over my head.. but if it is fooling around, most likely.
* Been called a tease: Yes
* Gotten beaten up: No
* Shoplifted: Yes

LAYER 6:

* Age you did get/hope to be married: Married
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): No more than 2.. I like the German name Resme
* Describe your dream mate: Someone loving, open, honest and loyal
* How do you want to die: In my sleep when I am wrinkly beyond recognition
* What did you want to be when you grow up: Psychologist, actress, singer
* What country would you most like to visit: Somewhere in Europe

LAYER 7: Now tell…

* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: Hmm… marijuana
* Name a person you could trust with my life: Danial
* Name a favorite CD that you own: I do not own many CD's but am loving the Yeah Yeah Yeahs right now
* Number of piercings: ears.. 2
* Number of tattoos: None
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Maybe 3 or 4? From wayyy back
* Name a past experience that you regret: I am trying not to regret the past right now.. but probably the unnecessary offensive things that I have said to ppl

Q?

Danial and I were talking a few days ago about how much it will suck for him to drive to work in the winter. Currently, he has to wake up around 5am just to be out the door to get to work on time. Obviously with crappy weather it is gonna take him longer to drive all the way across town. If he is late for work (say stuck in a snow bank) he gets in a lot of trouble. When we realized this, it was obvious that living on the base would be sooo much more convenient and stress free (for him).

I know! I have groaned and snorted about the idea of living on base before but it has some positives to it. He contacted the military personnel living quarters place and it seems that a "Q" (apartment) will be available by November 15th.

Living on base would also mean that I would be conveniently close to the gym.. Lunch time aerobic woot woot! A 9 month membership will cost me 30 bucks!!! I don't even think that my UPEI gym membership was that cheap.

So how many moves would that be in the last 12 months? 5. Feels like 2004/2005 all over again. Whatever. Someday I will settle down.

Life Life Life

Here is my daily(ish) routine:
~Drag myself out of bed as early as possible
~Check my online school thang and attempt to read the 100 missed messages from the last 12 hours
~Attempt to get organized to be productive
~Force myself to do some school reading.. Luckily a random reading will be really interesting
~Watch some TV online that I missed the night before (ANTM, Greek)
~Attempt more school/lunch
~Finally shower and get ready for work
~Bike or walk to work
~Become really pissed that I am at work even though it is just a 4 hour shift
~Come home and wonder why there is hardly any school work done

It seems that I am not the most productive while schooling at home. I always find ways to better occupy my time such as laundry, random internet, checkin out photo albums...
LAME LAME LAME

I guess that is not really all that I do.. I also get to stress about my student loan not yet arriving and the fact that I desperately want to go home for Christmas. My grammy is getting old and I don't want to miss xmas with her. Not to mention missing everyone else.

When I was in Victoria I met a lot of cool dudes who live in Vancouver. Maybe I should move there(ha). Next year Dan finds out where he will be posted and I don't want to stay in Kingston. Possibilities include: Halifax, Ottawa and Victoria.

On a happier note: I have never done a practicum of any sort so am going through the long confusing process now. I met with someone from a place for mental health and it turned out that I was being kinda sorta interviewed. Know what I mean? You speak with someone and agree to meet so they can explain to you what they do and then it turns into them interviewing you.

Anyhow it worked out because he wants me. Probably not sexually but definitely for a field placement. I wasn't aware of this until he began sending me huge emails about the process of having a 'mask fitting', getting my email set up and keys.

Does no one else get this excited about working in mental health?!
Yeah, I am pretty excited.

Gimme a minute

So I decided to leave it till the night before to really plan for my Victoria trip. I need to meet some rad social work buddies this week to get into trouble with.... HA.. I feel that my rad buddies will all be older and at a completely different life stage than me.

Here is a list things my instructor told me to bring:
scissors,
markers, crayons
a pic of me when I was a child
a cultural icon
pics of friends, family and places
a mug
a glue stick
a book with a hard spine
music
maybe a poem

Obviously completely different than what I expected. I guess we will be doing some crafts and sharing.

I will be soooo happy when this degree is finished. I need to be back in the workforce. Don't get me wrong.. I like school.. I am happy to have the opportunity to go to school but I miss making money.

I STILL haven't explored Kingston... really..

I have a new perspective with Danial being in the army. It actually gives me some direction with life. Before I had a freakish amount of options and choices to make. Now it seems so much easier to see what our future might be like. There are some pretty sweet benefits that come with being in the military.

Ahhhh. I keep forgetting to plan my practicum for school. I am supposed to do it by the first of school.. which is in 2 weeks. It feels impossible.. I have no idea what is here or where I would like to go. All I do know is that I don't want to be doing child services for this one.

Okay...So here is my spanking *new* life

I am kinda wound right now. As some of you know, I recently got a job as a family photographer. It is cool because through this job I will earn my photographer certification. Also, I was hired to be the assistant manager. I am not looking for a job that stresses me out like crazy (*Cough* bank :S)but this seems like it will be good.

It is also pretty sweet that our studio just went digital so the ability to be creative is endless. I have not been fulfilling my creative needs for the last year so now I'm happy.

At the end of this month I am going to Victoria.. yeah you know that. I just got off the phone with my professor so I am now really pumped. Sure it is only a week of face to face training but it is going to be such a good experience. If I am lucky I will get to scoot over to Vancouver and see a certain buddy.

Haha.. I am lame... getting excited about work AND school.

Clearly, I am loving living with Danial again. It is cool to see how adaptable that we are.

AS FOR KINGSTON: It is surrounded by water! There are even beaches close by. I am pretty sure that one of my biggest disappointments about moving away from PEI was being away from the water. I need to take some photos of Kingston so yas can see what I'm talking about.

As previously mentioned: I Love Ontario shopping! It is nice to have some variety. There a couple of cool looking vintage shops that I would like to explore.

All in all... Kingston seems to be the perfect 'stepping stone' to living in a big city. There are more people but they still look you in the eye when you walk past them on the street.

So yeah,,, things are pretty good so far...Except for missing my buds and family like crazy. My dreams are once again haunting me about how silly stuff went down in the past. I hate it. Waking up from a dream relating to something that happened 5 years ago with friends that I am no longer close to. It makes me re-evaluate and consider making amends. Until, eventually I remember why I decided to do things as I did... yuck.

Hello Kingston

Yep. I am here in Kingston now. I forgot what it was like to be surrounded by awesome shopping at all times. Which is probably why Danial and I purchased a new bed and 37' flat screen on our first day. Yikes :)

Since Friday I have been sleeping on an air mattress with a leak. Pretty crappy. BUT our new bed arrived today so it should be an awesome sleep tonight.
Currently, I am procrastinating. I have a paper due tomorrow. Then this summer class will finally be over!

I am brainstorming about where I would like to work. I am thinking that it needs to be a job that I don't need to stress over. Possibly a waitress? hmm.

I am getting really excited for my upcoming Victoria trip. It will be the only time for my social work degree that I am required to meet with fellow students face to face.

Eek

Thursday is coming soon.. our day of departure. It is crappy because it is also a crazy week for school work. I would much rather chill with buds before I leave instead of writing papers and studying for finals :S

I should stop complaining. I have the entire month of July off and I am not living on the streets in poverty. Who knows when I will ever get a summer month off again? Care-free summers are pretty amazing.

I am really looking forward to having my own place again :)

P.S.: Even though I live merely 5 minutes away from the beach I have not seen it this month. Usually I am a beach addict... so wtf? Eh. Maybe I will get there this week... mmm Beach Beer.

Oh yeah.. update...

-Danial found out that he has a 2 week vacation from July 18th till Aug 2nd.
-He will aid me with moving shenanigans.
-I am jobless for my time remaining on PEI
-Planning my trip to Victoria for social work training~wootwoot
-I already miss my PEI buds
-Canada's wonderland....
-Listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers
-Army STILL hasn't 'approved' our move

Since when is everyone pregnant?

Plann~ish

Yep.. I've now got a kinda sorta plan. Danial has been apartment hunting.. so he is hoping to get one that is available in July. He looked at one that he likes last night and will probably take it.

If that is a "go" then I will take a carload up at the beginning of July.

Hopefully I can work something out for our kitty (Chicken). I took her to the vet last week and they say that she is healthy but she gets crazy nervous traveling.
I tried to dope her up with *vet recommended* Benedryl as a test run today. She started frighteningly salivating and frothing as if she had rabies. Then her eyes began to water and I felt like an awful kitty momma.

She then proceeded to upchuck the 1/4 tablet of Benedryl along with her breakfast.

It sucks. She has always been a freak about traveling but now it is getting to the point where I think that she will have a panic attack etc etc.

When I took her in to the vet she got crazy, bugged her eyes out and her mouth began to stretch open with her tongue hanging out. She then began panting as if she could not get any air. Then to top it off she peed her fur pants.

Any ideas as to how I can move her to Kingston without killing her?

Come to the desert and I'll circumcise you

Man, I haven't heard that song in forever.

For a long time now I have been kind of grossed out with this blog. My posts are so fluffy with only a censored line or two about what is truly on my mind.

Lately I have been outraged about issues that have been bubbling to get out of me. I'm thinking that I will begin ranting about them here.

I also need to change my blog template. The good ol martini lounge just doesn't seem to represent like it used to.

With that said, who knows whether or not it will happen.

Please stop spinning..... Please stop spinning!

I am finally accepting that Danial will probably not be coming to PEI to move our crap like I hoped. Unfortunately when paperwork goes missing it screws up plans. Funny how that goes. The office people keep telling him to come back the next day to get an update. Quite impressive use of technology ey?

Speaking of technology, my laptop is becoming useless. It especially likes to be a challenge when I am trying to do school work.. on a deadline of course.

Oh yeah, back to moving. Seems likely that I will be doing the move around July 6th. If it turns out that way I plan to hire some friendly movers. I am already cranky enough without moving hehe.

I guess that is it for now. I lost any inspiration I had to write.

What's up, what's up?

Fuck I am sexy with a cold. So fucking sexy.

It's almost JUNE 1st. Dan updated me with his army posting orders. This changed our plans so that I am moving at the beginning of July which I'm actually kinda excited for. I hear that Kingston is a big penitentiary town which gives me lots of work to do. (By work I mean get a rad Social Work practicum)

It was.... interesting to have the chance to live apart but I am OVER it. 5 months is enough to get a taste. Think it is lame if you want.. but I want to live with my lover.

I wonder.. what will Kingston bring? Will it be horrible and boring? Or an exciting adventure. I have to guess that it will be neither. Oh well. I think that it is time for me to leave PEI for a while. I have been back since 2005.. so yeah.. it is time.

I was thinking about what I was doing this time last year and realized that I was wasting away at the bank. Even though I am not in the happiest living situation I am damn glad that I am not working there.

I must admit that my job is growing on me. Having dudes that are the same age as my brother call me "teacher" is pretty hilarious. It is also kind of funny that they seem to like it the harder that I am on them.


Internet School

Is it for me? Do I like it or hate it? I have no clue. I will likely wait to decide until after I get some grades back.

Oh yeah.. that is basically my life right now. Internet school, work, volunteering... oooo I am happy that my crisis line volunteering is almost finished. I find it to be soooo stressful.

Gross

I made some chicken and I didn't cook it all the way through WHOOPS.

Summer summer summer. How I have missed you.
I am still getting into the new routine of work and school. I am trying to gauge how it's gonna be but no luck yet. Too early.

My job requires a lot of creativity apparently. I like to think that I am creative but that may be just wishful thinking. Silly me. I assumed that I would get to use material from the last person who did this job. That would have been nice... instead of doing the whole term from scratch. It is pretty surprising the amount of freedom I have with it.

.... I'm moved out of the apartment and now at Melissa's. I'm so happy that the move is finally finished. I am just waiting for Natasha and Cory to move out so that the landlord can do the inspection.

Monday is my first day of work and school. I am excited for school but not so much for work. I am hoping that work will be kind of flexible with days off. I won't complain though because I will have the weekends off.

Last weekend I drove to Quebec to visit Danial. It was a pretty sweet weekend. I headed over Thursday to get there early and have a mini vaca by myself. We had Boston Pizza... I know-- we have one on PEI no big deal. The Boston sized drinks were pretty enjoyable though.

This week Danial is in the woods somewhere sleeping in a tent doing his army man exercises. I will be heading there again to see Dan for his army grad on May 14. Then he has to report for duty on Sunday in Borden Ontario.

I kinda feel sorry for him because he is going to miss PEI summer. I doubt that he will get the chance to pop home for a visit.

Good

Finished my exams and now have 3 weeks to do..... what? Hmm. I get pissed at myself because I get so excited for time off but when it happens I get anxious with nothing to do. Time off should work out this time cause I have to move.

Apparently Danial and I have a horrid issue with keeping unnecessary things such as telephone bills from 2007. Gross.
I will likely get stir crazy and make a trip to Quebec to visit Danial. No one plans to go to Montreal for the end of April ey?

I will probably end up going myself. Brave it or whatever.

So I found out that I got the job at UPEI. It should be interesting. I met with the instructors that I will be working with today and we created a general layout for the term. I think that I'm really going to like it. In the afternoons I get to take the students to different places to teach them about PEI. I am planning on taking them to the beach once or twice so it should be good :D

I haven't been excited about a job in soooo long that I have forgotten what it is like to work somewhere that I like.

So my birthday turned out a lot better than I thought. I had three birthday cakes and was completely spoiled. Friends and family certainly came through :D

I have been boozing with family over the last couple of weeks which is always interesting. Last night my mother kind of made it clear that I am a real 'mix breed'. Lots of German, Scottish, French and English.

APRIL 3rd

Ek. I am exhausted. For some reason I got myself all sketched out about a intro sociology paper that is due today. I don't understand what my problem was. I didn't care about anything else that was due this week nearly as much as this stupid first year paper.
Whatever, I am glad that classes are finished!!!!

It is my birthday today as well. Right now I am being a big crybaby and wishing that I got to spend it with Danial. This is the first time that I will be celebrating it without him since I was 17 or something.
Here is a tribute me being a fucking cry pussy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OVGCK91Bt8

SO- I was disappointed because I didn't even get April fooled this year! Is it pathetic that I look forward to being fooled?

I have a feeling that tonight is going to be one of those *extra vulgar nights.

Fuck. I just need to shutup and be positive.

Opportunity ya shay?
mmmmm I just made a really yummy spaghetti dish. I made whole wheat spaghetti Alfredo. Then in a separate pan I made a stir fry of yellow pepper, onions and mushrooms with a hot salsa. mmm. then I poured the stir fry over the pasta and it mixed to become something amazing.
I am sure that chef's have a fancy name for this or something. So good!

I had an interview today for a summer position at UPEI within the english assistance program. I think that it went okay. Apparently I will find out by Wednesday. I haven't had an interview for a job that I cared about for a few years. The job would be to: tutor students English, coordinates activities, possibly assist with the EAP summer courses and other random office crap. The majour focus being international students.
It would be 30 hours a week--Monday till Thursday 9 till 3 and Friday 9 till 12. C'mon-- that is sweet.

It would begin in May which would happily give me the Month of April off. This would be convenient for moving and all that.

I am probably going to make another trip to Quebec in April. St Jean is such a boring town that I think that we should probably stay in Montreal for the weekend this time.

Apparently Danial is doing well with the army and all. He says that during the week it is disgustingly busy.

Relief
I got a letter from university of Victoria today indicating that I have been accepted to their social work program. This means that my life no longer feels like it is on hold and I can begin to make some general plans for the future. It is a distance program so I am able to move anywhere which is A+. I will likely move to Kingston Ontario with Danial in the summer after he is shipped there.

I am happy that I will be able to live with my hubby but am a bit sad that I will be leaving all of my buddies. It won't be happening for a long time yet though. I just want enjoy the positive side for now.

I don't mean to sound cocky, but I am pretty proud of myself for getting in. I applied last year and was rejected. So I have been working my ass off for school and it seems that it is paying off.

Arg-- I cannot let myself forget about a meeting that I have tomorrow evening..

Panorama Zing-- Strange Australians

So Thursday night at midnight I officially decided to make a trip to Quebec to visit Danial. I called my parents to let them know in case I ended up dead on the side of the road. By 1 AM my dad decided that he would come along for the ride. This was convenient because he brought along his GPS.

It was not a fun short road trip but worth it both for Danial and I. He wasn't "aloud" out until the following day because they failed their Friday inspection. We didn't know for sure that he had Saturday off until Saturday at 12:00 ish. It was all on a whim.

We had a pretty good night together except for a fucking ridiculous email from my X-boss. I am so glad that I do not work there anymore.

We headed home around 3pm on Sunday. Some of the excitement included picking up hitchhikers in Quebec and driving them all the way to Moncton and narrowly avoiding a collision with a moose or some deer on the highway going 120kph
Since my father just loves to make things exciting he convinced me to push the gas tank as far as it could go. He kept telling me that there was a gas station just minutes up the road. Minutes turned into 40 minutes and we slimley avoided running out of gas. It was the first time that I have ever gotten 570 Kilometers on a tank.

I got home on Monday at 4am and was a zombie until basically right now- Tuesday evening.

It is getting to be the end of my school term, thank god. I just want it to be over. It is hard enough to work on courses at all let alone do well at them right now.

I learned a new term today from a homosexual guest speaker.
Fruit Fly- female that hangs out predominately with gay men. Example Grace from Will and Grace.

I also learned the origin of the term fagot which is from the days of witch burning. Fagot is a term for kindling. When a witch was to be burned the towns people gathered homosexual men and women and used them as "kindling" for their fire.
Fancy that. So much tact and class.

This class also allowed me to see pictures of females and males post operation. The most interesting was the penis that was turned into a vagina. One Female to male was really well done while the other was not so much.

Aside from thinking of vagina and penises I have been thinking about where I will be living by the end of the summer. Seems like it will either be PEI or Kingston Ontario. Hopefully I will have that figured out within the next month.

Winter Thaw Please

The weather slowly changing to my liking. It is so nice to get out of class before dark. Not that I think a lot of myself but I hate walking to the far parking lot at UPEI after dark. You never know who is lurking in the corners.

I relieved a lot of school stress today because I did a group presentation that was worth a wack. Thank god it is over with. I was really lucky this time because the other people in my group were not slackers. It was also nice because they were not simply difficult.

This Saturday I am looking forward to :D
It is my last day at the bank-- and I even cut a deal with a co-worker so I can sneak off a few hours early.
I am pumped for our girly trip to Moncton. It should be a good time.

I have been attempting to plan a visit to Quebec to see my other half but it is complicated. He will not know if he has permission to have the weekend off until FRIDAY. I was going to fly but flights booked 'the day of' seem to be outrageously priced.
I may just end up waiting until I am finished of school and have the time to drive.

In 3 weeks I will be finished of BMO... FOREVER.

Don't gag
I have been kind of reflecting on life. It is crazy how much things change in such a short period of time. It seems like my life is always "up in the air". I don't think that I am complaining about it- just contemplating.

Don't get me wrong. I am not living a crazy roller coaster life but it is certainly different than my mother's life. I am thinking that the reason that so much change is happening so often is because of my age. I am young and it shouldn't be a huge shocker. I guess that the thing is-- the changes have been pretty big for me lately.

I will get some direction by the end of March. That is when I should know whether or not I have been accepted by University of Victoria. If I am accepted, I will likely move to Kingston Ontario which is where Danial will be doing his specialized training. That is the wonderful thing about internet programs. They will never hold me down to one location.

If I am not accepted, it only makes sense for me to continue going to UPEI. I would love to live with Danial, but I need to do what is best for me. I mean, he is doing what is best for him.

I guess that I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that we could be living apart for at least one year. I know, I know. I should have known this for a long time. I am sometimes slow to accept reality. That is a long time to live away from my spouse. I want to make sure that I am being clear. I am just becoming aware of how different our lives together can end up.

I am probably repeating myself a bit, but it is what keeps coming to my mind.

Aside from that goo-
I have one midterm left. If I am not accepted to university of Victoria I plan to take summer courses.
One being a philosophy course about existentialism! This gets me far to excited considering that it is both a class and summer school. When I found this course on the summer timetable I must have been making noises because my room mate called to me from her room asking why I was so excited. I think that this could qualify as sad but I don't care because I am so excited!

Eh
It is week 2 living without my husband and I have noticed an emotional trend. When he is able to call me often, I feel fine. When he calls rarely, I begin to feel strange about the whole thing and become confused. My confusion is about how good or not good I can be about the whole thing. I know that it makes sense, but it bothers me that this is happening. I wish that I could have feelings that are level rather than up and down.

It is just such a huge change.-------------

SCHOOL* I saw my exam schedule and it appears that my last exam is on Saturday, April 11th at 7:00PM. I am still so shocked that UPEI has Saturday exams. At the time being it doesn't bother me because I to be finished after the first week of exams. I looked at the summer course listing and there is not a single psychology or family science course that I can take. Shouldn't they hire professors that do not mind teaching summer courses?
This means that I will likely be taking distance courses somewhere. Honestly, I have no idea what I am doing this summer. I don't even know whether or not I will be living on PEI.

WORK* One thing is for sure. I will not be working full time at the bank. Even though it would be easy to obtain I would not feel good about it. I am not sure if I will be with the bank at all by the summer. I don't need to worry about it yet though. The only thing is if I want to visit Danial in Quebec it will be tough to get the time off (I work Saturdays).

Supper without Danial (or Natasha):
Peanut butter sandwich with red pepper, banana and a dab of honey.
For those of you who do not know-- supper for me is usually a home cooked meal.
hmmm?

It doesn't seem that I will need to buy a bed after all. I was getting stressed about dishing out that much money. Especially because it would have been student loan money.

Natasha and her two cats are here now. That makes 3 cats in our apartment. I was wondering if it was gonna feel as if there were too many animals, but it isn't too bad. Our place is kind of wacky with stuff everywhere right now..

haha.. 'Hero' by Papaya just came on via music shuffle. It inspired me to look up the youtube video. Nice. It definitely reminds me of listening to 90's dance music back in the day. Check it out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTrTVNYBOho


I seem to have forgotten how long it can take to write a research paper. I have been working on it all day. You wouldn't know that by looking at the document because it consists of a title page and the reference list. The bibliography took me an hour to do WITH citation machine. Intense.

I will be so happy for this week to be over. Next week is spring break and I plan to do a hell of a lot of chilling. It won't be too precious because mid-terms continue the following week. Oh well.

Today

Danial's plane left this morning at 9AM so we shall see things go. Natasha gets in around 5pm today which is funny timing. My only time officially living alone is today.

Little more boring:
I think that I have decided to buy a new bed. It will be the first new bed I have ever owned. While shopping around it is amazing to see the different types of bed makings. It is kind of annoying because all I really want is a nice comfy bed that lets me sleep.

What?

I have avoided procrastinating with school for a long time now... until this special paper that I have due tomorrow. Why am I torturing myself?

Name change... again?

I have had this discussion with many of my friends, some family and acquaintances. When I married Danial the issue of name change turned up. As in many families it was usual for the woman to take the man's last name. We briefly considered the options and then selected the typical.

I then began attending UPEI and took a variety of women studies courses and began to learn about the origin of marriage. As many of us know not so long ago women have been considered the property of man etc etc. I have increased my knowledge (and opinion) regarding gender which built a fire within. I made the choice to change my name without knowing. With the loss of my last name came the loss of the identity that was associated with it. Obviously not 100 percent but enough for me to notice.

This has caused a lot of conflict for me. I am kind of wondering what your opinions are on this?

I guess the next part of the situation is the option to change my name back. When I mentioned this to my mother she said " people are going to think that you got divorced". Obviously she is probably right but is that enough reason to continue this tradition?

I don't want to imply that I against tradition but I have believed that I am part of an equal relationship. If relationships are 'equal' than why is it that the women are the ones that change their last names? Why isn't it a 50/50 thing? Obviously there is still a lot of socialization that makes men feel they should keep their names.

Aside from my casual ranting (haha) my biggest thought is whether or not to change my name back. At this point I have almost decided to.

I have been pretty overwhelmed and stressed over the last while. It seems that there is so much to do all the time. I had a pretty refreshing day today. I had a little bit of a chance to sleep in this morning and then went bowling with my family. It was interesting because it was our first family event that had four couples.

I have been craving pizza delight for a ridiculous amount of time considering that it is practically across the street. After bowling we all headed there for lunch. I wish that I could sat that it was amazing but I got a salad that was more croutons that lettuce. Oh well, I can't complain too much about a free meal.

Dan and I went home afterward and chilled in our sunny living room on the couch.
So yeah, it has been an pretty chill Sunday.

We bought a whole chicken which we plan to make for supper tonight. This even despite the warning that kidneys may still be located inside the carcass. haha

I hope that this semi-lazy day allows me to re-energize and get back to the books.

I have that scratchy feeling in my throat.

Work Rant

I have been stewing about this increasingly over the last few weeks. I have been working at the bank off and on since 2005 yet I haven't gotten a satisfactory raise since January 2007. This wouldn't be horrible except for the fact that I have been trained for a higher level of work (opening bank accounts/ investments). I have been actively working in this role since August 2007 however I still get payed as a teller.

At first I didn't let it bother me because I am a casual worker. Of course it still is not fair, even as casual I should be paid for the position that I am doing. I then approached my boss regarding a raise and he said sure. This happened in August 2007 as well as November 2008. Have I seen it? No. I have asked him a couple of times since then. He has given me his word on two things which he has not followed through on. 1) a fair raise to be getting the wage for my work role
2) To put me in the 'system' as permanent part time.
I approached him about this and he assured me that "stokes are in the fire, it will happen in the new year". Last weekend I mentioned it to him again and he said "the stokes are in the fire".

I think this is horribly unfair. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I mean, if I was a shitty employee and doing a shady job, sure, but he has told me numerous times that all of my coworkers have gone to him saying what a great job I am doing. They also say that I am "so helpful with both coworkers and clients".

If I am doing such a great job, why am I being treated like this?

To top it off, I am casual without the benefits of being casual. At my place of work a casual person is not committed to come in on any specific days of the week and is able to pick and choose the days he or she wants to work. Not in my case. I am told that I am being "depended" on for Saturdays. I asked to have February 7th off (which I should just be able to tell them rather than ask) and he has the nerve to say " If so and so is not working otherwise we will need you".

Ha!

Not that he deserves a reason, but I explained that it is Danial's last day on PEI.
I am considering on blatantly reminding him of my casual status.

I don't know. Part of me wants to stick my feet in the ground and tell him enough is enough. The other part wants to continue the decent working relationship that we have had over the years. I don't want this job to be something that I cannot have on my resume.

Here's the verdict

Thanks for everyone's input on hairstyles. I called around a couple of places and have an appointment tomorrow morning at Absolutely Fabulous. Apparently they have a 'master stylist' who is really good at determining suitable hairstyles for certain face shapes etc. I am leaning towards a long bob that is asymmetrical.

Enough about hair, and onto the important stuff.

As many of you may already know, Danial has been accepted to the army as a Land communications tech. Some people consider it a big deal while others do not. It is going to be a huge lifestyle change for both of us, but in the end it will make Danial happy with his career (I think). For anyone who has known for a while will be wondering how this happened. I have changed my perspective on many things over the last year(s) and the army is one of them. I did not move to 100% support the army but I am not dead set against it. Clearly it has been set in place for a reason.

It has been interesting seeing people's reactions to the news. I was prepared for people to think that it was a terrible idea, but surprised to find so many are supportive.

I have been even more impressed and surprised with the people who have been asking about how I feel about it. I am shocked with the concern of people who do not even know me that well. On the other hand, however, "The Army" is one of those topics that people usually have their opinions on. For good reason of course.

Danial will be leaving on February 8 which so happens to be the day that my buddy Tasha arrives in Charlottetown. A trade I suspect.
She will likely be staying with me until her boyfriend moves back to the island. I am pretty happy about the timing.

The whole thing still doesn't feel 'real'. It probably won't until I roll over in bed to find the other side empty.

Very exciting. I could feel change coming and here it is.

Hair

heya, I am considering a new hairstyle, so please rate the pics up above. You can click on them and rate them out of 5 or just let me know which one is your favorite.

Arg. I just got home from attending half of two meetings. The coordinators of both meetings were not impressed with the fact that I was not staying the entire time. I hate when my schedule gets double booked like that. It makes me feel horrible. I feel strange even talking about having a 'schedule'. I used to laugh at people that would say "just let me check my schedule". I am now kind of one of them. I am hoping that I am just overwhelmed because of classes beginning and all this volunteer stuff. I don't want to have to cut anything out because I enjoy everything that I am involved in.

I have been so confused this week. I haven't even been to all of my classes yet. Lets just add another one tomorrow. mua. I would like to keep on track right away but this week has slipped out of my grasp.

on a happier note, I have lunch at the Gahan with Sarah today. Haven't seen that lovely lady in over a month! I am so lucky to have good friends. I have also had some coffee action with Sharlene this week.
haha. So I complaining about not having time but of course I am making time for my buds. What is a week without gal time?

Oh--side note-- I have a beautiful sexy blister on my heal from a pair of boots that I bought from Mark's Work Warehouse. It is the first thing I have ever purchased from there. It is also the first pair of quality and sensible boots that I have ever gotten. This is the sad thing. I always end up buying footwear that looks good and deal with the pain. I attempted to avoid that and am still sporting sexy huge blisters.

I need to stop blabbering here and read school text shit.

spoiled

*sigh*
I am in a great mood right now. I had a long crappy day at work and then made a pointless drive to the country. When I made my way home I found that Danial was busy at work the entire day. He fixed our bookshelf, put all the clean clothes away, cleaned, put two storage units up and unpacked a wack of boxes. He completely organized our bedroom and a closet. I am sure there is much more that he did that I am forgetting. Talk about impressed!!

It was so nice to come home after a crappy day to find all of these things done. What a sweety. Our place feels so much bigger and homier now.

I am always pretty shocked with how well Dan is at impressing me.

Considering this, it is not a huge surprise that I am looking forward to a nice and quiet evening with my husband at home. This includes the necessary movies, pizza and popcorn. Jeeze. I feel like a lucky gal.

Enough goo.

School begins again on Monday and I am not at all prepared. I am taking a stats course which I'm not looking forward to. I am not the best at math. Next week is also when I begin my official support shifts at the crisis center. I am pretty nervous about this. I have had sooo much training but I am not sure if I am prepared. Time will tell.

ooo. My bro got back from the big apple. Very jealous. He had an amazing time.
I think that my next venture will be international.

I saw this on Aimee's blog and decided to steal it.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Sold a house, moved to a downtown location, go to Calgary and volunteer at a crisis center.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made a resolution last year. This year I hope to avoid freaking over the small stuff focus more on the present (so yes to the second part of this question)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Chelsea Ling! aka Matt's lady


4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year thankfully

5. What countries did you visit?
Didn't visit- just lived in good ol Canada

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A decision about my school path. Curtains.


7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 14- random adventure with Heather, Lin and Sharlene
November 13- Too cheesy
August 12- 2nd wedding anny
September 9- 6 six years with Dan
Last week of September- Trip to Alberta!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I became less of a bitch and less stubborn

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being there as much as I should of been for my friend during her first serious breakup experience.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was sick off and on for 2 months after my Calgary trip. I had an ear infection. My car accident knee wound has been killing me, had a lovely fall down the pizza delight stairs (911 jail) and have gorgeous bruises that randomly form on my legs. I have been falling apart this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
laptop.. maybe?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
JILL

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Rob.. appalled- not depressed

14. Where did most of your money go?
going out, movies, booze

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Road trips.. surprisingly on PEI, trip to Alberta, selling out house, randomly bumping into people that I consider awesome. Sadly last night a 'The Hills' episode. Dancing!


16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
Womanizer, I kissed a girl, put your hand up on my hip, clumsy, Hot n cold.. clearly I do not know the actual names of many songs

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Both to the extreme. I have been bipolar this year (no pun intended)
b) thinner or fatter? a little fatter
c) richer or poorer? richer...

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Painting, road trips, exercise

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Getting into silly T.V. series

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Dan and I have already celebrated, then my grams, my 'rents and then the 'rent in law's

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nah

22. How many one-night stands?
I don't think it counts when it is with your husband

23. What was your favourite TV program?
ANTM

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word but I dislike one particular person more this year than ever.

25.What was the best book you read?
Jane Eyre

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Battery Point hehehe

27. What did you want and get?
A different perspective on life

28. What did you want and not get?
To hitch hike across Canada or the US 60's style :(

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Into The Wild

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Gahan for drinks with matt, chelsea, Tasha and Danial and enjoyed a gift of Vanilla vodka

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having the house sell before July, I would be living in Toronto right now otherwise.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I would wear random clothes that I found or randomly turned up in my laundry.

33. What kept you sane?
Danial, Sarah, Tasha and long hot bubble baths

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have been obsessed with Tyra this year.. I am brave enough to admit it ;)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
ABORTION- and how a woman's body deserves to be her own. How when a woman become pregnant her body suddenly becomes societies concern. This as well as many other women issues.

36. Who did you miss?
Tasha, Mitch and other people who I have lost contact with over the years.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Sarah :D

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
To understand the origin of things before jumping to join

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
any song that talks about ups/downs, enjoying being young.

I am a baby

A few minutes ago I was watching the Planet Earth DVD set and CRIED when a wolf caught a calf. I balled. Dan had no idea why I was sobbing over it and kept telling me "it's nauture,,, hunny, like the circle of life" .. Talk about being overly emotional!!

I am sitting on my couch and here random clunks and rattles coming from the neighbours. Whatever it is, it keeps running up an down along the wall we share. Hmm I wonder what they are doing. I am sooo not used to hearing people living near by. I have never heard them talk. This makes me wonder if it is because they are mute of if little sound travels between the walls. I would prefer that my neighbours did not hear all of the conversations that I have.

I am not in a good mood at the moment. Hell with it.. I am sad. I got really frustrated because I could not get my point across to Danial about something stupid. Fuck that pisses me off.

I bumped into a crazy girl that I used to be friends with today. I didn't exchange words, just facial expressions. Her craziness was not just 'fun' it was also 'crazy bitch'. Some interesting memories though.

School's Out/ Chicken

So I thought I would be a dork and post a couple pics of my kitty. She is clearly cranky in both pictures.. She does not enjoy the flash of a camera in her eyes.
All in all I have been having a good week. It is always nice to spend time with friends and family after being hidden away from the world for a while.. Honestley, I was only really 'hidden' from my parents. I made a visit out there recently. I am going to be sure to see both of my grandmothers over the holidays too.

Today my plan is simple-- get together with Ali for hot chocolate and then go to the gym. I am getting excited about going xmas shopping. Our trip to Halifax isn't going to happen so that leave a couple of extra dollars to do things.

I hate the fact that it is raining outside. I can't stand gross slush.

I got a mark back on one of my final papers which I didn't think was amazing and I got a 90 on it. Something like this happened in another class where I had two projects worth 20 percent each. I got 97 on one and 100 on the other. On top of that the class had 'participation' points worth ten percent of the grade. There is 50 percent that I got full marks for. I like to think that it is because I am smart and get good grades, but I have the strange idea that maybe the professors are 'easy markers'. This shouldn't bother, but it kind of does. I didn't want to attend university to get the whole 'Internet scam style' degree. I get how people think that since they "Pay so much money for university they deserve a decent grade" but I think that is crap. I want to go to university and feel like I am making an accomplishment. Maybe this is asking too much?

Whatever. I love how people have such strong opinions about the stingy requirements to get into certain programs. I agree that some of the requirements are crazy because they do not even pertain to the area but for most part they are logical.

I had an interesting debate with a chick recently about how some school programs require volunteer experience. She thought this was outrageous. Once again, I can understand her thoughts but she couldn't see past it. She thought that since she pays money to a place that it should be enough and she should be able to get into whatever area that she wants by waving around the dollar bills. Isn't this kind of crazy? I know that it may happen, but it is scary to think about high class medical doctors having no 'medical smarts' and be performing surgery. I am sorry lady, but I pray that you will never have the funding to operate on me.


~PEace

Stupid Apartment

grr.. I am no princess but I get reeeallly annoyed with the shit that does not work in this apartment. I don't think that we have a single doorknob that works as it should. I went to go do dishes today and of course the plug does now work. Dan bought this flat plastic thing that moves everytime something bumps into it. Eff..

Okay I feel a little better.

I dont think that it is a horrible place to live. It is pretty good actually. I just dont have patience for things that do not work.

So I guess that I was a lot more stressed about school than I realized. After I became aware that this term has been complete I felt all light, airy and happy. Happy is good.
I am excited for the gals party tomorrow night. I am curious if people will be more in the "woooooo partay" or "Pj's and movies" mood. I will be happy with either or.
I would like to thank Tash for the "Early christmas pres". I can't wait till you move home!!!!! :D :D :D
It has been far to close to a year which is waaayyy to long.

*As Is*

So, I was becoming more and more frustrated with studying for exams so I decided to take a break and post. I am quite surprised with the amount of posting that I have been up to lately. I have two exams and then my semester is complete. I am pretty bored of school right now, but who isn't? If finances allow it I plan to go out this weekend after working hard all term. Not that this would be an extreme special treat because I have been out a lot since I moved into town.

I don't have anything too interesting to say which means that I am clearly only posting to avoid other things that need to be done.

I have been expectantly began to understand myself more lately. This is kind of funny because I always had a good grasp of 'me' in the past. I went through some tough times in the last couple of years and have coped in ways unusual for myself. I am so custom to just blabbering anything that comes to my mind and having instant relief that I am impressed to finally be able to tame it down a bit.
Naturally, this does not apply when I am overly intoxicated.
I went to the other extreme for a while which was attempting to keep it all down-- as I should have already known, this does not work for me.

I love being married and am happy that Danial and I have a mutual understanding of what marriage is to us. I have far too many times den when couples have completely different expectations of themselves and each other which lead to ultimate confusion.
I am glad to say that I feel like a generally happy person.

I wish that I didn't but I do--CCR Baby~I love you

Kind of in a rhyme mood today. My rhymes are always song so I guess that they are more melodies.
Current Setting-
On Dan's computer in the living room while Mr X is in the office performing click floor. Dan has gone for a run and I am apparently timing him. He did what I was going to when we moved to town.. He is running on a regular basis and cutting down the junk food. He is sculpting his muscles and hopes that I will call him a hunk.

It was a long boring day today. It was my final days of classes for the term :)! Yep, kind of exciting. I did not get the end of the term kick that usually happens. 2 exams and then I am finished... holidays indeed.

I really wish that I had a extra large bath tub to have a nive relaxing bath. I don't mind our new place but I am a bit nervous to bath it up. I remember living on West Ridge Cres and having a bath. Wonderful thing about apartments is that often the part of the tub that you rest you head is situated so that you can see directly behind the toilet. To my horror I glanced in that direction and it was like a secret portal for monsters to escape into our realm throughout the night. SO gross. It was like a gross mold growth that was furry? Just so happened to cover the entire back of the toilet.
This is something that I have come to fear. This apartment too has that special toilet/tub situation and I am likely going to avoid it.




So... I thought I would post this pic of creepy me and Tash from New Years 2007 (I think).. It's hard to believe how short my hair is! I can't believe how creepy I am..Oh well..

I am kind of surprised that I already am missing things about our house. We put a lot of work into at the end and it became more and more of a home. 3 years living in one place is a long time for me. I already miss having my own deck, fire pit, flower beds.. etc. It was the right decision though. We don't have it holding us back anymore, so I will just have to look forward to the next time we purchase/build a home.

My Glade Plug-in Overwhelms Me

I have way too much to do but instead I have decided to post! ahah. So I am sitting in my living room right now listening to Dan make supper while being overwhelmed by the fresh glade plug-in. I don't know what is wrong with me but my sense of smell is reallly sensitive. An example of it is our new apartment-- usually I would be used to the smell by now, but I can still smell the people that were here previously. I am not saying that they stink-- it just really confuses me. This is probably because I had the luxury of living in a new home that had no previous owner smell.
I think that the strangest thing about my newly acquired sense of smell is that when I get a "whiff" it is like a smack in the face. *Pow* Here you go-- a blast of an overwhelming scent.
The last time that I remember having this issue is when I lived in Fredericton and worked at BMO on Saturdays. After being up later and intoxicated the night before I had the special ability of smelling all of the scents associated with each individual that I waited on that day. :S :S Not a good experience.

Today while re-organizing/unpacking we came across the Christmas decorations which brought up my spirits a bit and I put up a couple of things :). I am trying really hard to avoid decorating full fledged until I am finished of this semester.

Eww. I just looked at my foot that had fallen asleep and it has turned a dark purple.

I look forward to tonight because I am getting together with Sarah for coffee! I love how certain people can make me so happy when I see them.

I am half asleep right now,,, but this is not unusual. I am almost sickened with how far into November it is. Next thing to come and go is christmas.

It is that busy time of the school term where everything is due and everyone is so drained from classes. It will be awsome when it is over. I will have almost a month off from school :) Of course I have no special plans for this time other than pick a few extra shifts and prepare for christmas.

Danial has been doing awsome with the unpacking. I have not done any of it because I am "only school mode".

I have been thinking (as I sometimes do) about how things have changed. I have met some realy awesome people since high school, but my original buds will always have a special place in my heart. I am not in contact with quite a few people who have been really important to me. I know that it is normal for people to drift apart... It's just that I miss them. When I look at Danial I am in awe because he is still close to his original friends (minus a few exceptions).

I don't know.. maybe I just didn't/haven't put in enough time or effort to keep in touch... blah.. it doesn't matter what the reasons are.... I just MISS THEM.

I hate (right now) how so much of life is focusing on the past or the future. It seems almost impossible to only think about the here and now.

Even though I am having all of these thoughts about the past I am pretty happy with the present. I will no longer be waiting for hours and hours for Danial to get off work to go home.

oh--side note: I have not lost touch with everyone that I went to grade school. I have successfully reconnected with a couple of yas (Jill, Tasha). You two are important to me too :)

-Peace

Fresh

Pheuf..
Since I last posted a lot of stuff has happened.. the most exciting is that we sold our house. It was completely unexpected because our house was not even officially for sale anymore. Our original Realtor contacted us and said that someone wanted to look at our place. We said 'okay' and they made an offer the same day that they saw it. On top of that they gave us less than two weeks for closing of the mortgage. Honestly, everything was very much still not official until less than a week before closing pending their mortgage approval and our house inspection. This left us with very little time to pack and find a place. Somehow we managed to do this and are now moved into an apartment in Charlottetown.

New found freedom! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Right now Danial and I have plans that could take us anywhere across Canada so it was a relief to have the place sold.

I am really enjoying living with the convenience of Urban life. We are pretty close to the heart of Charlottetown and I am not used to saving all this time that was previously used for traveling to and from. It is going to take a while to get used to the 'city noises'.

Even with the stress and craziness of moving I have been in a good mood lately. I am happy that this has finally fell into place.

Never said it would be easy,
but who said it would be his hard?
-Coldplay

It doesn't seem fair
To you or to me
to be caught up in that type of fantasy

I try and I try to put myself in your shoes
It doesn't work and is fustrating,
Like spinning thread onto spools

Then I noticed
There are forbidden names
Names that aren't said
without emotional turns

Why are there limits?
To what can be said or done?
Life is without freedom
no matter what we have said or done

It was previously simple
The rules were clear
But when the time comes it changes

It is all so confusing,
because of within
not lost in translation,
with varsious tongues or fears

I wonder-----

I am currently avoiding school work. This is something that was regular when I was at UNB but hardly happens anymore. I am extremely overwhelmed right now ("is it possible to be 'whelmed'" haha). My brain is spinning. I can't complain too much though because I have had an okay day today. I got back a couple of assignments and did better than I expected to. That makes it okay. I am glad that I will now be having both Monday and Friday off. I really need it! I was finding that working on Monday just stressed me out. I will still work Saturdays, which I don't mind. I can do whatever on the weekend as long as i get sunday to catch up on reading.

Obviously school is on my mind A LOT. That is the biggest part of my life right now. I feel like I am at such strange point in life. I think that I feel like that any time that I think clearly about my situation.

Other than school and work, I am volunteering at two places. One is quite organized- a crisis centre the other not as organized- i basically pick the events that I would like to take part in. In the past I never would have understood just how much cna be learned from volunteering. I have always been the type to take pride in my job, but volunteering give me a different aspect.

ah.. I know what I need.. a chill night out of the house. Not a big adventure or a bar scene but just something simple.
I ran out of my favorite Chai tea ..

hmmmm

Finally curtains in the living room. It only took 3 years and we were too cheap to purchase our own. Mom was nice enough to give me an old set. I don't like getting too "homey" here though, because I fully intend to move out.
The market it so awful right now that our house is a hard sell. I feel like it holds me back. I was going to be in Toronto for September 2008 but cancelled because of the house not selling.

I watched the movie "Into the Wild". I have been thinking about it a lot because it is so bittersweet. Sometimes I can completely relate to him. I too, was once was all honest and found it horribly fustrating to realize that it isn't how people work. I love how this story describes freedom. Ultimate freedom being into the wild with no strings attached. I wish that I could just go somewhere.. get up and leave without having obligations. Not likely ey? It is one of those things that I hear most people say at least once.

I know that I say it all the time, but I am shocked how different my life is now than what I expected. And I am only 22. The pressure is more and more 'on' to be responsible as we get older and older. I can totally relate to the people who never settle down. I wish that I could have a real adventure. Even though I say this I realize that it probably won't happen. Not with my current situation at least. I really want to explore, but not in a structured way.

I went on a trip to Calgary which was awsome. I am surprised with how different it is compared with the maritimes! Even compared with Central Canada it is a huge change.

Another tihng about the "Into the Wild" story that makes me think is about solitude. Even though I love people and would be extremely lonely without anyone, I sometimes wish to be completely alone. I don't just mean alone for a day to myself. I sometimes wish that I could be alone for months and months at a time. I have fantasies about what it would be like. Life is so busy that I don't get too much time for self reflection any more. Now that I am a little more mature I understand that this is simply 'life'. I wonder if being alone would increase my creativity or simply make me see clearly that I have lost my creativity?

I think it would be interesting to be alone for an extended period of time and then see who would come across me. Would I have interesting insights? Or would I simply turn into a crazy?

Oh here is another thought... Children... I think that it is funny that I was brought up to automatically assume that I would have kids someday. It is made to seem to logical and natural. Would it be horribly selfish to not have children? I think that the ability to create life is amazing but why should I feel like I want to do this. It is interesting that so many people feel that they need to have children to be fufilled. I certainly want to be fufilled or to reach "self actualization" but I believe that baby making is not required.

Now this is not saying that I do not want to have kids, it is just me questioning how the idea of having kids was placed in my mind.

There is something that I need to do to reach fufillment, but I wonder if striving to reach this is what keeps humans active and happy. If I reached my full potential I guess that I can then continue to retain it, but I think that people would loose interest in life.

All that I know is that my deepest "want" is not material. I am not sure if it is an adventure or to attempt becomeing a better person but the "want" is there.

If only I could sufficently psychoanalize myself. haha.

questions questions questions. I am full of them.

summer 2008 = summer of damage. It all began at the end of May when I was leaving a local restaurant after supper. I was walking down a set of cement steps when I lost balence and went into the air face first. Luckily my legs managed to reach the cement before my face. The pain ran up my legs as if my bones have splintered.
Most recently involved a tumble in the grass burning my knees.

My legs are still covered in bruises cuts and burns.

brrrrrrr I am so cold right now!!
So I keep having these awful dreams about a friend that I havent talked to in a long time.. and they annoy me so much. There are obviously things goin on in the back of my mind about this person.. lol sometimes it is not so at the back of my mind..
I just have to get my head around it.. Obviuosly I am purposly leaving out much detail about it because I have no idea who culd be reading this.

Just to put some of you at ease.. im not talking about anyone who i have spoken to in the last year.. haha
These dreams are so friggen detailed.. This one centered around crazy fruit flys.. facinating i know.
I am not in touch with back of my brain so much anymore.. if that makes any sense at all
blah so cold! the heat is on but i am still freezing.
So many things are in the air with my life right now that i have learned to just not think about it anymore.
I probably should be making some large decisions but i am just too wrapped up with other things at the moment.

I better start some school work or i will be regretting it later!
Brad and Melissa are coming over tonight for supper.. so that should be fun.. better make use of my time till then
~

Summer has come and gone again!
oh well..So i am back into school full time. Quite the interesting life change..but i guess that is what im all about. I can keep doing the same old thing. lol.

I had a funny realization a few minutes ago. I was looking at an old yoga,pilates and stress relief book I had..that Dan got for me... I then began thinking about the scented candles and bubble bath that he gets me ever year. He gets me this special calming bubble bath for stress relief.. Then I also remembered how he got me a medication and stress relief tape.. as well as tension tamer tea.. and cooling releaving face masks..
he got me a pilates mat and yoga dvd...
As i was thinking this i turned to him to bring up theses tibits.. and he quickly says.. " I always get you stress stuff because you seem to always be stresses"

Wow.. Was he reading my mind.. not that i think that im stressed ALL the time.. but how he THINKS i am stressed all the time hehe

Why havent i picked up on these signs before.. I mean it has been 5 years of him showering me with stress relief gifts.... this huge trend that i have been completely blind to.

Obviously I must have some stress issues.. but i certainly dont think that im the type of person that is stressing every day of the week.

I am definetly more high strung than him..
He has always been a pretty layed back type of guy that wouldnt get too stressed about every day things..
I know that i definetley think about things into detail far too much.

Oh well .. maybe i will take some of my dear husband's advice and chill out.

I feel pretty special to have a cutey that is always taking care of me. :)

So I feel like I am waisting the summer. I finally got to the beach last weekend. Not as if we really had many beach days so far this summer.
I guess that there is a lot going on in life for me right now though. I have a lot of things that I am trying to do at once. One thing that I did do is tell my boss that I am thinking of going back to school full time. He was completely cool about it. I think that he may be the coolest boss that I ever had.

He even gave me the option to work there part time during the school year.

Now will I actually go to the school?? Or will I back out??
For those of you who know me well, know that I have been wanting to go to school for the last two years on and off again.

I keep making reasons not to go.. but then find myself kicking myself in the ass for not doing it.

I am now putting a hell of a lot more effort into going this time.. but that does not mean that it will happen.

Of course.. all my own fault...
Lots of exciting stuff going on,.. but I don't feel good about the whole internet world knowing my junk.

I know I know.. I never used to give a crap.. but I guess that I am changing...

Changine topic:
I am planning on going to the Aerosmith concert this Saturday... Am really wondering who else will be playing..considering that it is an all day event.

Maybe there will be someone good? Meh
I am going with my sista.. so it could be fun.. hehe

OHOHOH
Here is something.. I may be moving off island to Toronto or something!!
But here is the real shocker.. It may be without Danial..
Yah.. I hear ya saying.. 'You wont be able to do it!'
but I will..

Poor Danial will be the one going nutty.. not know what to do with his time.
I only know that from experience.. when I moved home and Dan stayed in fredericton for a month.

Who knows what will happen in the future!

So I woke up this morning to the phone ringing..but i ignored it.. Then whoever it was hung up and called back.. i let it ring through again... then when it rang the third time..i decided that it must be important enough to drag my but out of bed...

So I jumped up..grabbed a blanket... ran into the living room to get the phone.. Yah I was naked.
When i answered the phone i found out it was Dan telling me that my aunt was on her way over to pick something up..
just as he was telling me i heard a quick knock and there she was... "HI!"
I was like okay danial she is here and i have to go because im naked.

She was like oh my god your naked!! its okay its just me..Why are you naked??!
I explained to her .. that i just woke up.
She couldnt believe that i was still in bed at 10:00am

That all embarressed me a little bit.//
But I became even more embarressed to look around and see the mess that she was seeing. I see this lady once or twice a year and she was getting quite the impression.

Of course guys it was friday night last night.. so ihad a few drinks.. aka empty bottles.. i gobbled some fast food.. aka fast food garbage.. not to mention that everything elses was kinda in a crazy mess.

Then instead of leaving with what she needed .. she tried to make some conversation to make me feel better.. i couldnt even answer her in a normal way. ha ha

Nice aunt.. love her.. no scarcasm.


Am i turning into a housewife..no.. i am just starting to care about when people come in and find our "morning after" mess. This does scare me to think about what else i might turn into.. come the future.
meh..i am not going to worry about..
I am kinda happy because i actually have a two day weekend..

egret

Long time no post. I almost decided to retire this blog. I of course am sitting here not able to sleep.. I am so full of marshmellows that I swear if you were to take a blood test only sugar would come out.
I have been on vacation for the last week.. and am sillily getting upset about it. I dont feel like i am taking advantage of the time as much as i should be .. yet i havent really been wasting a whole lot of time.
Maybe I am just more depressed about the idea of going back to work on monday. BLAH!

At least I will be going back to some nice shifts again. (not that i have much to wine about in that department anyways) Thats right ...monday to friday 8:30 till 5:00.. no more thursday nights ... and the weekend off.. Pretty sweet right?

I am so wound up right now.. eek

I decided to go rollerblading today.. and of course wiped out.. It was a crazy slow motion free fall.. Where i basically had time to think about the fall i was about to endure.
After i fell i scraped myself off the pavement and began laughing histerically. I felt like a kid again.. i was too proud about my scraped knee.


Now im feeling the pain though.. lol.. Man i can be a tough bitch. I also accidently sliced open the side of my foot with a dull foot scrapey thing which killed.

I dont know why but i am not getting my usual burst of excitment with the coming summer.. Usually the change in weather would be enough to keep me from cranking..not this time..
But so help me that is not going to stop me from having an AMAZING summer! Summer is my season.. I cant waste it by being silly.
..... oh oh oh.. I had the most amazing dream.. but i am not going to say it because i fully intent to make it into a movie..Thats right .. a big time movie WITH a sequel.. and that damn sequel has an alternate ending!!

I dont want to ruin it by telling you about it here on blog.

You know what I really hate> Are ticks. .. I saw one once and i get sooo grossed out with it now.. I was planting a flower and saw something that looked like one and i almost cried...
And let me tell you.. I am not the type that usally cries over bugs..

I dont really like these insomic posts.. because they dont make much sense to me... meh

My heart is pounding, hands are shaking and I am extremely weak at the knees. No I didnt see Jim Carrey. I just pierced my friggen ear. I have this lovely condition where I continously pierce my ears, and one side grows over in a day and the other stays open. So NEEDLES to say I have more holes in one ear than the other.. and usually cannot wear ear rings because the other side friggen grows over.

I decided that I am giving it one more shot.. but OMG my nerves!
I used to love the rush from getting a piercing.. now im an old chicken shit.

Other than that my life is extremly boring. Pathetically I would be saying the same if I was getting a lap dance from a gay male dancer.

What can I say? everything seems so boring. I am also extremely fustrated because I dont even have the freedom to go on a random road trip. Man I dont get two days off in a row.. and i would feel really guilty if i ever faked sick.

The randomness seems to be taken away.

Oh well.. something is going to happen soon. I can feel it. I just have no idea what it will be. If nothing happens I will need to make something happen. lol.

Something I have noticed for the last while is that my tummy is screwed up feeling. It feels like someone went inside and twisted all of the organs and arteries. It is like one of my ovaries have been moved from the lower pelvis to my right shoulder, while the other one was pushed down closer to my legs.

Sure sounds healthy ey?

Swimming is coming soon.. and i will look just as sexy in a bathingsuit as i did last year.. which is neither good nor bad news. meh

yay.. I am happy i pierced my friggen ear. I actually miss my tongue ring. I bet my teeth would have been in pretty bad shape by now though.

So.. here is my new goal:
To get 2 days off in a row and do something fun with them!

Ouch.. im turning the big 21 this week. Meaning that I will be legal everywhere. No biggie though right? I can't wait to go swimming, camping and to have a bomfire.
I have been pretty boring lately. I have been busy with my upei course as well as my bank course.
Thank god I won't be doing any summer school.
There is so much flowing through my mind right now that I can't put it into words.
PEI PEI PEI pro or con?
I think that I am killing my brain with this rap music that I am listening to right now.

So Im playing online poker and sucking at it. Can anyone explain how I woke up Sunday morning with a chipped tooth and extra clothes on? Didnt think so. I must say Jenna.. you bring an interesting night. I havent cruised around for that many hours straight since I was 16. The wreath expedition was confusing but entertaining. I loved the dream park .. even though i was in a dress wearing pointed shoes..which continued to get caught between the boards on the playground.
Good times
My lips are chapped from cinnamon hearts.
I am in an amazing mood right now. I cant say that i had a great day..but nothing to complain about

arg.. i am not happy right now. Friggen Jackson was caught in the act of pissing on my coat which so happened to be on the love seat. What a fucker. There is nothing more discusting then the smell of cat piss.
I dont care if he can be all nice and cuddly..DONT PISS ON MY STUFF!
enough
My head is kinda spinning right now. My course just seemed to decide to dump all of the work into the next couple of weeks. Whatever though. It is my own fault for going to school part time.
I am a big whiner..
I am lucky that i am a never ending optimistic loser though. Otherwise I would probably be pretty depressed right now.

I am finally beginning to understand that i am a huge money waster. Best of all is that I usually have nothing to show for it.
I was just sidetracked for about 20 minutes..

Dream

I had a dream the other night.
I was at an old friends house, and so was my cat chicken. Hime me and a couple other guys were just hanging out in the living room when this guy i dont know says "hey lets go hand out in the other room for a minute" I said" Oh god I know what you wanna talk to me about"
He was going on to me about how he knows that i have a man but my friend just doesnt understand why i dont want him. How this friend still really likes me, and thinks that we would have something 'special'. I looked at this guy and rolled my eyes and told him" ya that I have been with Dan for four years. This has been going on with _____(friends name) for over four years. I cant believe that he is still talking about it."
The guy was all shocked. By this time we were just hanging out lying in this ol friend of mines bed. He started getting all touchie feely when my cat chicken jumped up on my chest all happy. She was just purring away and i didnt look at her .. When i did look at her i saw that she caught a mouse. She ran away leaving this dead mouse on my chest.
I thought "okay eww gross i have to get that off me"
The guy said "hey that's not a mouse"
I looked back down at it and whatever it was its eyballs started bleeding out along with other places.
I started freaking out, jumped up and started gagging.
I was going to vomit.

So I ran to the bathroom only to find that the it was in use and the door was closed/ So I ran to the kitchen to find somewhere to puke and found that my ol friends parents were doing dishes.
There wasnt any more time. I put my hand over my mouth and started projectile vomiting. Vomit spraying in between the cracks of my fingers all over the kitchen floor, even some on the wall.

Everyone was looking at me like my head was cut off.
Then my stomach started rowing again, so i ran to the bathroom and continued getting sick.

Nice dream ey?
My dreams are so vivid, its like my unconcious mind is trying to scream at me to listen.

Busy busy busy.
I like it. I can truthfully say that I would rather have a million things to do and be putting them off than to have nothing to do and be doing nothing.
I have been putting a lot more effort into getting together with the family lately. I mean the grandmothers and maybe even the cousins. I spend a ton of time with my immediate family, which is great. When I lived in fredericton i missed them so much i got a house right next door to them when i moved back!! Im not sure if i will always be like that though. If i am it will be impossible for me to ever move far away for a while. Cant live with them or without them:)

I would like to make a tribute to Mr Clow. Who passed away last Saturday evening. He may have been 85 years old but he was always out and about...Until the unfortunate turn of events on Saturday night where he was crossing the street and was hit by a vehicle. (No alcohol or anything was involved but it is still really sad)
He is one of the neighborhood people that you would always see around within grand tracadie. If he wasnt driving up and down the road in his car he was taking Toby for a walk, always giving a wave on his way by.

I beleive that these things happen for a reason though. Even if they dont seem to make sense they happened for a reason. There have been so many deaths in this neck of the woods that it just makes me wonder what it is suposed to mean. Bernie, Darrell, Grampie, Tyler, Linus...
I dont know.

arg

.. umm yeah.. about the last post... Dont really remember where i was trying to go with that. flagla.
So christmas has come and gone.. Everyone family wise were sick all at different times.. I was a little but not bad enough to complain.
My job is really boring. It is so friggen boring. Some of you out there wouldnt think so.. you would love every minute of it.. but im just going through a blah work stage.
What else is new?
the potluck last night was great. Everyone had suck amazing food. It was delicious. Huge turn out though. Met a lot of new people.
Once again realized how much I would like to learn to play guitar.
Just another thing on my huge list of things i want to do.

that's right

Im making a post and i am reallllly wasted!!!
"rocK oN!!!!"
I know a lot of things about myself aka i am learingin to diserfer them.. blah spelling LOL!@
ok soo just so you can see where i am coming from .. so far tonight i have drank a bottle of homemade wine.. some champagbe.. rev.. captain morgain spiced rum ... moose head dry..whatever else i cannot rememmer. .. i am enjoying some wicked awsome live musice shake~m...
i am hearin conversation about "how real it feels... in the 70's)
wtf
am is still doin here!! ahhh
ok enough!!!!!!

locomotion

Christmas is almost here!! I have been putting of shopping stubornly because I was in denial how close it is! We put lights up outside last night. Bright blue ones. It is fun to have our own house and get to pick what goes outside.

Every week goes by quicker and quicker. We keep getting busier and busier. I love it like that.. so I am not complaining. I am one of those people who goes nuts when there is nothing to do. I would much rather have a load of things I could be doing and choose to do nothing instead :)

My weekends are too short. Friday night poker is always pretty wicked.. and then I cant help but go out Saturday night, Simply because I dont work Sundays.
So Danial is makeing a 'special' supper for me right now.. I am so hungry.. mmm

I dont have anything very interesting to say.

Yet I have noticed all of the friggen court hearings about murders lately. Pretty crazy. I dont even have to read a good mystery anymore.. just turn on the news. I have been thinking a lot about how it would suck to be on jury duty. If I was jobless or something it wouldnt matter. But for those huge cases they are only paying people 16,000.00 a year. For people like me with student debt..\other debt.. thats not enought to cover the bills.

I suck .. I am 20 year old and am up to my eyeballs in the negative.. lol
I dont care though.. Things always work out in the end... Although sometimes I feel like I am 47.. Which is why my current goal is to live young for godsakes.. ..I AM YOUNG


~peace

It is 1:45am and I get to work tomorrow. Too bad I cant sleep. I just cant stop thinking when i go to bed lately. I am constantly daydreaming.
Hopefully this post will make me tired enough to sleep.

This week I had a few days vacation.. pretty cool I basically chilled with Dan and Tasha. I have actually been kinda sick for about a week. Sick enough to make me not want to do anything but not sick enough to miss any days i had to work.
Dan and I finally got some yard stuff finished.. We made a wooden railing for our front step today. That was fun ,,I dont think i did too bad using the eletric saw. I have been in christmas mode too.. Doing some decorating around the house. I did skip out on a pot luck that was suposed to be at work tonight. It sounded really fun.. everyone would bring in really yummy food and do christmas decorating crafts.

Sounded fun, but not fun enough for me to go in on my last day of vacation.
So I was just sitting here staring blank for about 10 minutes which to me means I have nothing left to post lol.
:)

new way

.. So I have been doing well with stuff.. yep thats right .. stuff.. Work is good.. I really like my job. And when you are working full time .. it's important.

I kind if feel like I have turned a new leaf.. I usually am feeling really refreshed feeling.. and when i feel depressed.. i just use it to motivate me.

mmm My hands smell like vanilla.
I just went blank,..
Dan and I are finally makeing our place feel like home.. Our walls arent quite so bare. still have a closet half full of unpacked things.. for most part we are good though.. We are such pack rats.. We keep the most meaningless peices of paper.. Like a blank paper I had a doodle of a flower on it..

We found a bag that we didnt unpack since 2003 which had broken glass from the front of an art piece.. I cant believe how horrible my spelling has gotten.. Dam high tech computers and auto spell check.. meh

If ANYONE wants a kitty .. they are ready to go now.. We found a home for one so there are 2 left.. both girl kitties.. on fluffy one medium haired.

I cant live meuch longer with 4 cats.. Cats are great.. Its just cleaning up 4 cats poop box that sucks. blah ..

I also would like to **announce that Dan and I will be hosting a New Years bash this year... The more the merrier! I dont know how many people look at this blog so i will make sure to pass the word more so when it gets closer.

i guess thats enough jabbering for now..

skndal it!!!

I have a kitty scratch on my pinky finger.. oh well.. I miss everyone!!!!! I went to visit tash last weekend and had a wicked time. here are some new pics.. some from the trippppp